Jesus seats

When you have tickets to a game in the nosebleeds, but they're really far from the court/field high up in the stadium, which is why they're called Jesus seats since you're so high up you can see Jesus.

Guy 1: I got tickets to the game!

Guy 2: Where are they? They better not be Jesus seats.

by It's that dude June 13, 2020

Jesus Boner

A holy boner

Holy sh*t you have a jesus boner

by trooperclonerex September 12, 2018

semi-jesus

Some random from an IRC channel. Doesn't realise that this site was so last year :)

by Anonymous July 7, 2003

Jesus Christ

Jesus, he is an amazing man that this earth has ever known. He was the person who created all of us and is My Lord and Savior. In the New Testament, it talks a lot about him and what he was doing. The things he was doing were healing lepers, healing blind people, and casting out demons! If you don't believe me, then look at Matthew 7-8 and you will see for yourselves. The books he's in are Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John aka. The gospels. There are people out in the world who say that Jesus isn't real and he made this earth to be cruel. The truth is though, he didn't. He made this earth to be beautiful, peaceful, and happy. And once he saw how great this earth was he made the first two people that was recorded in the Bible, Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve were told by Jesus not to eat from the tree of "Knowledge of Good and Evil" but the serpent (aka. The devil) tempted Eve and told her it was alright to eat from that tree. Of course Eve did eat from the tree and she told Adam the same, and together they sinned against Jesus. That is why the world became cruel. After they both did that the Devil took control of the earth and made it into a bad place. But once Jesus comes back, this earth will be no more and all who believed will go to Heaven and spend time with the great Lord Jesus, Amen.

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” - Psalms 46:10

"Who is Jesus Christ?" Asked Delilah
"He is the Lord and Savior who made us all and whom loves us!" Said Nehemiah

by anonymous May 15, 2024

Bongrat Jesus

God in human form, but also a Bong rat (and therefore greater than God himself).

Only Bongrat Jesus himself could pull that off!

by (( (gyfgdfdf October 20, 2021

Jesus's Army

Jesus's Army are a peaceful Christian organisation who usually drive around to their religious gatherings in rainbow or multi coloured vehicles usually dilapidated vans or mini buses. Jesus's Army love to spread the word of our Lord and Saviour through rustic songs acapella style or often led by tambourine's, maracas,spoons and entry level guitar playing.
Unfortunately due to Jesus's Army only feeling love and seeing good in their fellow man they can often fall foul of being abused by drunken thugs who will initially express a real interest in turning their sad lives around with Jesus's help only to blag free rides to their next watering hole and further cementing their own place in Hell.

Dave we've drank and gambled all our money on fruit machines. We literally only have enough for 4 more pints each with no cash machine visits available and we still need to get home with no money for a taxi.
Fear not there is some rainbow coloured van there with a heavy smell of marijuana and Christian love exuding from it. That is definitely Jesus's Army and if we tell them we are interested in signing up and turning our lives around with the help of the Lord I think we can blag a lift.

by Another pseudonymal August 5, 2022

jesus (BUNNINGS)

Bunnings Jesus is Australia's Jesus christ. Think Jesus but he smokes cones, darts(cigarettes), drinks, and blesses gavos by appearing in all his Bunnings glory

Jesus (Bunnings) smokes cones

by coop-meme January 6, 2021