free bagel

1. A loose butthole. You can make implications about toppings yourself.

"I went over to Jennifer's place to get myself a free bagel yesterday."

by DrSpocktopus November 13, 2013

free-food fiasco

Da frequent sabotaging of one's attempts to "eat wholesome" or stay on a strict low-cal/carb diet to lose weight and/or otherwise improve his health by purchasing only "basic" and "natural" groceries; said messing-up occurs when either you get jovially invited to "consume mass quantities" by your Coneheads-appetited buddies at a party or backyard barbecue, or you unexpectedly come across some leftover/discarded food that is still safe/edible... hey, for this latter example, you absolutely HAVE to eat it, right? We can't be wasting food, now, can we, especially when there are children starving all over the world; it saves on your grocery-bill, as well. And besides, salvaged food --- by the virtue of your conscientiously not letting it go to waste --- isn't fattening, anyway; only food that either you're served or you actually go and PURCHASE adds on da pounds... everybody knows THAT!

Two classic examples of a free-food fiasco are (1) where Hagar goes out on his porch and finds a huge cornucopia of tasty rich treats labeled, "For Hagar"; he sadly remarks, "This always happens whenever I go on a diet!", and (2) where the irritable and acutely-nicotine-dependent Dr. Becker is trying to give up da cancer-sticks, but then finds several unopened boxes of them in a dumpster behind his workplace.

by QuacksO August 12, 2019

free raid

when someone leaves there yeezys outside there locker and there in ur size its time to free raid

Andrew got his new Timbs free raided last week

by doctadittoo January 29, 2018

free vaping

when you openly vape in an area

I'm free vaping.
She's free vaping in there!
Time to free vape!

by emmaegg March 9, 2022

too good to be free

Just like da "too good to be true" situation, this term refers to some wonderful item/service dat you will supposedly receive for nothing, but which you should seriously wonder if that is actually "all there is to it", or if there is some hidden proviso involved.

Da Bible claims dat you will receive happiness and riches beyond belief if you "just believe", but it sounds to me just like a "too good to be free" deal. God makes you endure a life of excessive toil and misery and abstinence first, so what good is that??

by QuacksO March 10, 2021

Free Ballen

Slicing your own testicles and filling the cavity with Tide Pods (or any other object or substance).

“Ey bru, you free ballen tonight?”
“Slicing n Dicin’ my brutha. Straight clean like Tide, Son”

by MisAnthroPissed September 22, 2023

Peanut Free Table

The lunch table designated for people who are deathly allergic to peanuts to eat at. Usually accompanied by an unoriginal No Peanuts or Tree Nuts sign. Many members of the table are part of a cult organization called Deez Nuts inc. which aims to assassinate the board of directors of the Planters Nut & Chocolate Company. Sometimes used by normal people to help gather their energy to fight through No Nut November.

Cole: Jimmy why are you sitting at the Peanut Free Table?

Jimmy: I am gathering my inner chi to finish the last 7 days of No Nut November.

Cole: Damn I already failed that day 1.

by Track and Shield November 10, 2021