Charles Bronson

Arguably the manliest man of the twentieth century. Born Charles Dennis Buchinsky to Lithuanian immigrants, Badass Mutha Charlie Bronson was one of fifteen children. He grew up in poverty in a mining community in Pennsylvania, mining coal to help support his family after his father died when he was 10; he earned $1 for each ton he mined. He was so poor that he had to wear his sister's clothes to school one time, but like a real man, he didn't cry about it, and all that did was piss him off more, so Charles started taking even more dangerous jobs to make more money to help his family. In 1943, he joined the U.S. Army Air Corps as a tailgunner and probably had like a million confirmed kills. After World War II, Bronson decided to pursue acting so he could make lots of money, making some of the all-time manliest films such as The Great Escape, The Dirty Dozen, and Once Upon a Time in the West. He also spanked some kids for talking shit about their parents in The Magnificent Seven, something which probably makes those people who think spanking is "wrong" get all their panties in a wad. In 1953, he changed his name to Bronson because that ass Joseph McCarthy was blacklisting everybody with Slavic last names. While on the set of The Great Escape, Bronson told actor David McCallum: "I'm going to marry your wife." Then he married McCallum's wife two years later. Bronson did many other awesome things in his life until his death in 2003. Frankly, you are no match for the manliness that was Badass Mutha Charlie Bronson.

Charles Bronson makes everyone else look gay by comparison.

by Paco Belmondo August 30, 2008

Flag