ketchup and mustard

These are standard toppings for burgers & hot dogs. Nobody knows why it isn't the default toppings. Fast Food restaurants nowadays poop out these weird tomatoe, onion, lettuce toppings.

I don't want a fucking salad, I just want my god damn burger! It's not a fucking science.

Ex. 1 - the working man's fight:

(Frank) Can I have a cheeseburger, ketchup and mustard only, nothing else on it?
(five minutes later)
(Frank) WTF I paid for a burger and all you gave me were mustard and ketchup packets...

Ex. 2 - The Restaurant Enigma:

(Bob) Could I have my burger with mustard and ketchup only?
(Waitress) Oh, yes, I'll bring you a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard!
(Bob) No, can you have the chef put the ketchup and mustard on? I hate having to squeeze that shit out and it takes forever. I kind of just want to eat, you know?
(Waitress) Oh, we don't do that! It's not our policy!
(Bob) Fuck your policy, it's called customer service!

by Nova><Master October 29, 2006

Mustard Clapped

When you clap someone so hard that their cheeks begin to resemble the squishiness of a mustard packet.

“Yesterday was so wild, I met up with this chick with weak ass cheeks and mustard clapped her”

by MrStealYoAss March 16, 2020

mustard butt

The aftermath of hot snakes from a week full of taco bell and indian food often resulting in bleeding rectum and or severe uunimaginable loss of all hope for a normal life

Dude shoot me I have a bloody rash from this mustard butt I've had for three years.

by notsoslimpeople March 29, 2015

nut mustard

A condiment that comes out of a wiener instead of going on to it.

He spread his nut mustard all over the buns.

by Dickslapper McCrapmouth December 1, 2011

Fuck Mustard

A description of several-day-old semen residue found typically in a male’s unwashed boxers; sometimes found on toilet rims, walls, the ceiling; always found on farm animals

“As you can see, this involuntary celibate atheist weeabu hasn’t left his basement unit in 42 years, made evident by a 10x7 inch mound of moderately radioactive, dandruffy fuck mustard. God may be all-loving and powerful, but he for sure fucked up when he made this guy.”

by Dumpster Choir February 10, 2021

tummy mustard

Ejaculating a weeks worth of semen onto a females stomach upon climax.
( A weeks worth of ejaculate has the same color and texture of a light deli mustard.)

Grimace shot tummy mustard all over the polish prostitute.

by Tummy mustard September 14, 2018

Mustard Mitten

When you and a friend (or complete stranger depending on your level of depravity) hold hands below a public bathroom stall divider while urinating simultaneously.

Oh man I just had a mustard mitten three way with Shelley and Karen. It was liberating.

by The Mustard Mitten October 18, 2019