Skip to main content

Optimistic Photography

The practice of using camera angles and strategic cropping to alter the subject of the photograph's perceived attractiveness. When used in conjunction with photo-manipulation, it can be a potent and effective means of convincing others that this individual is not fat and/or ugly.

Optimistic Photography is seen primarily in social media, most prevalently on dating sites. A person exploiting optimistic photography will use it to extract features which are unattractive, and shift attention to those which are more attractive.

When the compounding effect of alcohol is added, the mind of the drinker can confuse the earlier (first) impression of the subject with the cold, hard, unfortunate truths of reality and fact. The optimism lurks quietly in the mind of the victim.

For educational purposes only:

1) A downward camera angle can hide the volume (and thus, mass) of a person.
2) Taking a picture of oneself (close range) will also hide the shear size and volume of the subject.
3) Elongating the jaw or using unnatural facial expressions during a photograph can give the illusion of a thinner (and leaner) face. This can, in turn, alter the perception of a person's baseline attractiveness
4) A blurry picture, bright flash, or blown out contrast can also hide blemishes or wrinkles which may appear in reality.

Note: Publishing old pictures, while misleading, does not fall under this definition, but would still be considered trickery, of which optimistic photography is a form.
Oh my god, Holly looks about 100 lbs. (45 kg.) heavier than on her Myspace. Her optimistic photography almost sent me cow tipping!

I want to shake the hand of the optimistic photographer who ironed out her beat-ass face!

My blind date must have actually thought I was blind. She looks NOTHING like her optimistic profile picture!
Optimistic Photography mug front
Get the Optimistic Photography mug.
See more merch

optimistic pessimism

telling yourself that the outcome of a situation will undoubtedly be pleasant; when knowing that the truth is that it will not, so that your artificial smile and laughter will not and cannot be undistinguished between true and false. ultimately living a "happy" and "carefree" lifestyle that many people envy, not knowing that you are as miserable as they are. you just dont show it in public as they do. your glass has water in it. whether it is half full or half empty doesnt matter, but there's water in it and it's constantly getting filled and consumed
optimistic pessimism by Jeremy Beck February 12, 2008

optimistic cigarette 

a spliff smoked after breakfast and before dinner with close friends. Typically followed by reading and low-fi music, or casual conversation.
hey dude let's roll an optimistic cigarette, we got nothin' better to do.

Optimistic Nihilism 

Looking at the bright and disturbingly hilarious side of a situation while never sacrificing the reality of that situation
Some say the divorce rate for marriage is going up while I say the death rate for marriage is going down. That is what optimistic nihilism is.

optimistic trio 

A group of three people who have the potential to create a new, improved squad.
"I went out this weekend with Sarah and Todd, we're basically an optimistic trio"

optimistic dab 

When a male urinates, then proceeds to dab the tip of his penis with a single square of toilet paper or something akin to a baby-wipe.

This ritual is a crude, but slightly considerate, attempt at hygiene when the male is optimistic about receiving fellatio in the near future. Usually occurs when sex appears imminent but the male must excuse himself in order to urinate.

The optimistic dab, while very similar to a full solar-eclipse in the fact that it is rarely seen, only becomes in evident in one of two common situations:

1. The male and his sexual partner reside in the same residence and the aforementioned male fails to know properly operate the bathroom door while urinating

2. When the male is beginning to receive fellatio and the female, while flicking her tongue across the head of his penis, realizes her partner's cock tastes like a wet-nap one receives in a BBQ restaurant. Thanks.
"Why are you wiping instead of shaking? Oh. Wait. Is that an optimistic dab? How cute."

Alternatively,

"Darling, your cock tastes like soap. Mind using something other than a wet-nap next time you do an optimistic dab?"
optimistic dab by twittish July 10, 2009

Optimistic Shopper 

The opposite of a smart shopper. One who tends to spend their money frequently using their optimistic senses.
I buy a lot of different things because I am an optimistic shopper, and frankly I'm quite proud of it.