I need a calculator

An office phrase roughly translated to "I need a bailout or rescue." Something awful is happening to the person who has given you this message, and it's your responsibility to bail them out. Situations in which this phrase is appropriate:

- An office camper has left the original intended topic for some light-hearted small talk about his child you hate
- An office camper with horrid breath has pinned you
- You're in a meeting that's so boring you will have to snort coke off a stripper's chesticles to balance your life back in the right direction

The message generally arrives in the form of text or instant message. When the situation is dire, email may be used. The appropriate response is generally to come up with technical nonsense to ask this person then either call or visit to bail them out.

Office Camper: "Enough about linux, did you know my child is an honor's student? She's taking all AP classes in the Spring. God we're so proud of her ... "
Jim (Victim) text messages Vince (Savior) "I need a calculator" to avoid nosy eyes understanding this dire message.
Office Camper: "She even taught some of the other children in the class how to use it! Can you believe that? Even the teacher was impressed"
Savior: "Hey Jim! Listen I need some help with linux..."
Office Camper: "Oh well I can see you're busy"

by Fatty Tatterson September 10, 2009

I Need A Rap

A phrase used by people that hate Chav Music. It means I need a shit. The main few phrases used to mean the same thing are I need a rap, I need a rave. I need a gangsta rap, I need an R&B, I need a clubland, I need a hip-hop, and I need a pop. They originate from the phrase I need a Chav Music.

Dad: Shall we go to ADSA then Flonkule to see Daniel the Spacker?

Flonkule: Yeah one sec, I need a rap.

by Ednatoast Jeeganflipperwick June 19, 2009

I Need A Lighthouse

To talk about commiting suicide in a joking/figurative manner

Another way of saying kill myself aka kms or fuck my life aka fml

Person 1: "You seem really depressed today, fam."

Person 2: "Yeah, I think I need a lighthouse."

by Kari Chiriri December 11, 2016

I need a medic bag

When you are going through something so painful that you are screaming for a medic bag like Dallas from the video game Payday.

*walks on a lego*
"AAAAAAAAAAARGH! I NEED A MEDIC BAG!"

*alarm clock rings at 6 a.m on winter*
"AAAAAAAARGH, I'M DYING ! I NEED A MEDIC BAG!"

by DallasIsDown February 3, 2018

Need a towel

So excited you get wet and need a towel to clean up

Patient: Doc how was my procedure?
Doc: it went so well good that I need a towel!

by TushT June 3, 2018

I Need A Hero

A really good scene that is played in the background of shrek 2 in the scene
that is so amazing

" Frickin Fricky that scene from shrek is epic and goes well with the best scene in all of animated history"
" You uncultured swine it is called I Need A Hero also it is way worse in footloose "

by GenericIke August 3, 2019

We need a riot

A phrase commonly used by people in online servers desperately trying to keep a conversation going.

The aim of it is to cause a riot. The riot is usually caused by this phrase being spammed and people getting so pissed off it starts a riot.

For example:
A person named Wyatt on Discord (an application generally used for joining servers) wanted attention so he started spamming "we need a riot" which was indirectly saying "hey, I'm bored and alone, someone please notice me."

Wyatt: We need a riot!
Other members: no
Moderators: no
Admins: no
Owner: no
Wyatt: yes

by Gundham Tanaka October 11, 2017