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Oklahoma Guarantee

A guarantee that isn't really a guarantee. Usually consists of "I'll be damned if it doesn't work," "if it breaks, you can call me a son of a bitch," and "if it breaks in two, you can keep both the pieces!"

Comes from the days when unscrupulous Oklahoma used car dealerships would give unscrupulous warranties that were worth the paper they were printed on. These were the days before lemon laws.

The term has been popular in Texas and Oklahoma, but has some limited nationwide use.
Products made in China come with the Oklahoma Guarantee.
by therealelizacat December 14, 2013
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Donkey Dick Guarantee

A guarantee so outrageous that it makes you think of a Donkey Dick.
That's a "Donkey Dick Guarantee" from you to me!
by FistFire July 12, 2007
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Chicken fillet guarantee

The assurance you expect from the process, that it will not be deceiving and harmful, but will be completely enjoyable and safe for you.
Person: Hey, have you heard of this new movie that is on air? Should we go see it?
Me: Idkidk, what do people say about it?
Person: Uhmm, the opinions are mixed, but...
Me: Bruh, there ain't no "but". I need a "chicken fillet guarantee" that the movie is cool, otherwise that is no participation.

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Bro-1: Yo b, did you see this fly-ass chick over there? I heard she be doing mad things with that that....
Bro-2: Oh, word?
Bro-1: Chicken fillet guarantee, b.
Bro-2: Aight, Imma go get that Chick-fil-A then.
by 9on6 October 7, 2019
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Chef Boyardee guarantee

When you see a thicc female worth having sexual intercourse with.
Guy 1. "Dude, did you see how thicc that goth bitch was?"

Guy 2. "Duuuude, she gets the Chef Boyardee guarantee."
by Casper the Suicidal Ghost August 21, 2017
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French Guarantee

When an hubristic person promises something will happen and it does not, thus leaving the person looking extremely foolish.
(Made famous by French swimmer Alain Bernard)
Ian promised he finally would get some action last night. He's full of French guarantees.
by coocookuhchoo October 6, 2008
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Montalto-Guarantee

Better than a 'Montalto hunch', even superior to a 'Montalto prediction'... don't leave home without it.
(only to be used when something absolutely & undoubtedly WILL occur)-
Barack Obama will be the next president - I give it the 'montalto-guarantee.'
by stephen montalto June 12, 2008
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The Netherly Guarantee

A guarantee of something that is inevitable and a surprise to absolutely nobody. This was created by William "Skeet Murder" Netherly as a way to seem intelligent and make people think he has the inside track on something.
The sun is going to come out tomorrow, and I put The Netherly Guarantee on it
by Choppz13 August 18, 2012
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