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a. Noun
A computer's Central Processing Unit (CPU); considered the brain of the computer, it is a small chip that sits in a special socket on the motherboard and processes instructions and calculations that allow the computer to function, then feeds them to the other components. High-end CPUs are often used alongside high-end GPUs by enthusiast PC users to run demanding programs more efficiently.

The clock speed, or performance, of the CPU is measured in clock cycles per second, or Gigahertz (GHz) and Megahertz (MHz), and can be overclocked to give it a boost.

b. Noun
An innocent piece of computer hardware that was swarmed by nerds who project their feelings of inadequacy and lack of purpose onto it and its manufacturers who ultimately don't care about any of them.
Unsuspecting Normal Person:
Hi, I'm planning on building a gaming PC and I want to choose the CPU first. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Intel Fanboy:
YOU MUST BUY INTEL.

AMD Fanboy:
FUCK THAT GUY, YOU MUST BUY AMD.

(a 15-page flame war between the fanboys ensues, both sides leave enraged with the question unanswered)
CPU by NYora June 15, 2018
A source of gold that give you up to one quarter of a gram gold per CPU.
Person 1: Can I get a CPU?
Cashier: Are you building a computer?
Person 1: No, I’m getting gold the easy way.
CPU by OuvuO February 28, 2020
cpu is the braaiiinzzzzzzzzzz of a computer
cpu by JoeMama LigmaBalls April 14, 2021
Cutie protect yourself
When your being robbed, you need to CPU
CPU by moso3209 November 25, 2023

cpu spike 

When the Central Processing Unit (cpu usage) shoots up.
Such as 2% to 60%. It doesn't necessarily have to go to 100%.
The computer is idle and suddenly you run a hardcore game. The CPU spikes at that instance.
cpu spike by mailsummit2000 June 18, 2008
Alias of based artist 0101010, who's a Manhattan, New York native.
CPU 888 by basedoverloras December 10, 2019