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Blazing Bagel

The act of placing a bagel onto one's penis, lighting it on fire, having sex with a girl, then the girl eating the bagel.
Matt: Whoa! Dude I gave my girl a blazing bagel last night, it was amazing!

Travis: Dude, that's insane I am gonna try that tomorrow!
by CrazyBusRide February 10, 2010
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babel fish

The Babel fish is small yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier, but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the unconscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them.

The practical upshot of this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish.

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindbogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.

The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly disappears in a puff of logic.

"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is whte and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that did not stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best selling book 'Well That About Wraps It Up For God'.

Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different race and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.
"Ford..."
"Yes?"
"What's this fish doing in my ear?!"
by Douglas Adams' Ghost February 17, 2005
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Related Words

Tiger bagel

Usually used to describe a somewhat beautiful Filipino that has soft brown eyes, pretty rad hair, a lame personality and a great ass. Usually have SSSS.
Bro tiger bagels are better than cinnamon crunch bagels
by smooth99 July 8, 2015
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Peanut Butter Bagel

When a person receiving a rim job (which is where a person recieves oral pleasure to their anus) defecates into the performers mouth.
She gave a great rim job! She even wanted a peanut butter bagel!
by JDGfootman April 26, 2009
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bodo's bagels

the best bagel shop ever. it is in charlottesville in 3 locations.
person 1: where do you wanna eat?
person2: ehh let's go to "bodo's bagels"
person1: oh hell yeah, that place kicks ass
by brosiedon123456789123456789 January 25, 2011
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bagel chaser

Tom is a bagel chaser, he only really wants Jewish guys. Cindy, also a bagel chaser, is only into Jewish guys. Her sister shares these desires, so they love to go checking out Jewish guys together.
by forrest0 April 20, 2009
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Scranton Bagel

(idiom) An act of sexual fetishism, in which a couple is engaged in anal intercourse using cream cheese for lubrication.
Dominic recommended that we try the Scranton Bagel tonight!
by Rad-a September 22, 2006
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