Jehovah Jumped

When you are minding your own buisness and get attacked by Jehovah's Wittneses that seemingly appear out of nowhere

I was leaving Publix and all the sudden I got Jehovah Jumped by two them sumbitches.

by The Metal Cowboy October 11, 2008

Jehovah's Witness

They basically solicit their faith. Such a sad religion, not believing in birthdays and all. Once you open the door to hear why your going to hell in 2671979936543 different ways, they won't stop. Try to shut the door, they'll hold it open with the convenient Holy Bible door stop.

"Hello, would you like to hear how your going to hell? Also, please read this pamphlet intitled: "101 Reasons Why Your Wrong."

"No thanks." *attempts to shut door*

"Wait!" *wedges bible between door* Please just read this!"

*Jehovah's Witness comes back during inconvenient times*

by AmaranthineFog June 16, 2015

Jehovah's Witnesses

1) People who reject the world and refuse to just get along with everyone else

2) CPS's worst nightmare

3) The biggest media nazis in the world

4) One reason not to own a home

1) Zeke: Oh wassap! Ay man, u wanna come to mah house dis weekend? We gonna go help rebuild the mosque downtown.

Victor: GUH!! HOW DARE YOU HELP OTHER RELIGIONS!

2) Operator: 911 whats your emergency?

Caller: Um yes hello?! I found this kid all beaten and bruised and and theres something taped to his back that says "you have been banished by the elders"

Operator: Probably another Jehovah's Witnesses, we will be over there right away.

3) Trey: Hey dude, you seen Devon anywhere?

Josh: I hear he got his eyes gouged out by his parents for watching Spongebob Squarepants

4) Nate: daddy there's a man with a bunch of little books outside

Chris: Shit. Nate, get the shotgun.

by Dr. Snicklefritz :D March 8, 2011

jehovah's twitness

a door darkener who wants to spread the dubious good news about Jehovah, but doesn't have enough mental processing power to sustain an argument about it.

I just had a jehovah's twitness at the door - he was thick as pig shit and twice as smelly so I slammed the door on him.

by mockschmock December 15, 2006

Jehovahs Atheist

A know-it-all blowhard atheist who has managed to become as obnoxious as a Jehovah's Witness with their anti-evangelical mission to use big words like SCIENCE and LOGIC and REASON to prove whatever they say is true. (i.e. "You should have sex with me because I am Pro-Science, if you don't then you are a stupid religious bigot who believes in creationism and or molesting children!") Jehovah's Atheists usually don't come to your door but they are all over Facebook carefully reading your sentences, making sure there are no hidden theistic undertones, which would require they set you straight immediately. Because obviously, if you are not in complete agreement with Dawkins, Hitchens, and the 19-year-old dude on the Internet who makes atheist memes all day long, you are a bible-humping closeted Christian.

"Oh God, I accidentally said God in a colloquial context. Here come the Jehovahs Atheists to tell me why I should not believe in God. Oh crap, I said God again! Oh no, they're here! Hello...Yes...yes...okay...yes...hey look my new Jehovah's Atheist friend, I really have to go to work now....but....yes...yes...I know, I know about Bill Nye and Ken Ham...yes I know there is no heaven and hell and if there was that would make God really mean...yes...yes...okay, fine. Fine. Please, yes, give that YouTube link so I can educate myself. Can I go now?!"

by AttemptedRapture February 23, 2014

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovah's Witnesses are normal people who follow the teachings of Jehovah and The Watchtower. It's not the religion people find hard to understand, it's just annoying that they believe everyone should become Witnesses like them.

JW: Would you like to join us for prayer this evening at the Kingdom Hall?

Guy: How about noooo!

by raffa April 22, 2005

Jehovah Witness

verb - The act of achieving orgasm so hard that you actually see the face of God.

Man, that bitch from the Kingdom Hall and I went out last night, you know the one, the Elder's daughter? Yeah, well she was sucking my dick so hard and she jammed her finger in my ass. Well, I Jehovah Witnessed right in her mouth! I thought I died and went to heaven cuz God was right there. We goin' out again tomorrow.

by Nelson Birdwell June 20, 2010