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Irish wank

Placing one's penis inside a cooked and hollowed out potato. The potato is Ireland's biggest crop, and due to a shortage of eligible women in rural locations, men have taken to placing their erect penises inside potatoes in order to release the inevitable sexual frustration arising from such a situation.
Seamus hasn't had a girlfriend in 20 years. Now he spends most evenings engaging in an Irish wank.
by IrishGypsyDan April 21, 2018
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Wanking the dog

Example: Gary got fired for wanking the dog.
by PotsNPan July 16, 2021
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Crazy Wank

The act of viciously masturbating fully naked for over 5 minutes. Throughout the process the subject uses his hand to stroke his penis to near ejaculation, then the subject relaxes for a bit. Then the subject continued to slightly stroke his penis and then he uses a sex toy (store bought or hand made) and places it in a position where it won't move around a lot and the subject viciously fucks the sex toy until near ejaculation. Then the subject is free to experiment with unusual kinds of sexual acts (ex: finger in the bum, other masturbation teqniques, other kinky fetishs). Then once the subject is satisfied withhimself and ready to ejaculate, he must use up the rest of the lube on his penis and hands, and then it is time for the last hurrah. The subject firmly grasps his penis and then he strokes it much faster and harder and it should give the individual a sensation of both mild pain and crazy erotic pleasure. The individual moans to make the procedure much more impactful and when he reaches the climax, the procedure is complete.
Carl: bro I just haven't jacked off at all recently. I'm just not into it anymore

Eddie: last night I had a CRAZY WANK and I will tell you, I changed my life!
by Derkadurr August 5, 2017
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Schizo-Wank

Jacking off to a person/character that you’ve made up in your head.
Guy 1: How you doing man?

Guy 2: Not good my man. I’m such a fucking loser virgin that I just had a Schizo-Wank.

Guy 1: Damn you’re down bad man.

Guy 2: Yeah it’s a lonely world man.
by AutonomicAutist July 9, 2024
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a nigel suicide speed wank

when your having a wank just before blowing your mayonnaise load, shout out Mum!!!!(diseased and rotting). bring my dinner up please, then try and finish the job before she gets into your room
by mrs tosser October 19, 2025
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Climate Wanking

When politicians or the elite complain about climate change and how the world is coming to an end, and essentially use it to get votes from people who care or as a crutch for NOT talking about actual problems the world faces.
Keith: Dude, I have been so busy, I have not read anything about the latest G20 Summit, have you been following?

Mike: Ya, it is the same Climate Wanking all the time. I wish they would talk about China running the world economy, or how to get people back to work.

Keith: Ugh, Climate Wanking, such a waste of time. No wonder everyone hates these politicians and condescending celebrities. Talk about real world stuff, bruh.
by Mike109999 November 2, 2021
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Wank waffling

The process of you beating your meat between two waffles and then serving this home made dessert to dinner guests.. including the special sauce
“I worked hard wank waffling last night so I had a good dessert for my dinner guests”
by Anony12211221 May 28, 2024
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