Felon's Tree Removal

A colloquial term for an arborist from upstate NY or other back woods place who employs felons, particularly, registered sex offenders.

He first verifies that they are indeed registered sex offenders - or at a minimum convicted felon - and then he gives them unsupervised access to chainsaws and wood chippers. Sometimes accidents happen and there end up fewer felons than they started with, so it's not all bad.

Other times - well, felons with chainsaw... The possibilities are endless, and some aren't so great.

Bro "Brah, where can I get a job? I just I'm on parole, so nobody's gonna hire me."
Brah "Bro, go work for Felon's Tree Removal. They'll hire ya. They literally only hire felons."
Bro "Nah, Bra, they won't let me do anything. I'm a felon."
Bra "The hell they won't! You'll get your own chainsaw, wood chipper, shit, you'll probably get your own shotgun to protect you from choopacobras and parole officers."

by Double take July 10, 2025

tree

its a thing you plant it is phase 2 of plant seed

hey dan i’m gonna go plant some trees, i’m gonna be out for a bit

by probablypeenuts June 3, 2024

veteran tree

A tree that is epercenced in photosynthesis.

Phill has a veteran tree in his backyard.

by Mrs.Paper Cut July 4, 2021

Tree

TREES ARE CO2 STEALING FUCKS. THEY TAKE ALL OF OUR CARBON DIOXIDE AND TURN IT INTO OXYGEN. LIKE WTF AT LEAST ASK US FIRST.

Guy1: step bro pick up your rubbish, they can kill trees
Guy2: those co2 stealing fucks live off what I breathe out, so imma take what they breathe out, oxy.
Guy1: that give you no reason the leave rubbish there.

Guy 2:

Guy1:
Guy2:

by The guy outside your house December 17, 2019

jism tree

Basically the same thing as a whore or slut. Just way more demeaning.

I bet dat ho smell like a jism tree after getting mutted last night.

by Spratt626 November 17, 2015

tree shaming

Shaming people who buy trees that are specially grown and cut for Christmas and then disposed.

After years of being subjected to tree shaming, he bought a live potted tree for Christmas and planted it in his yard. Then he got a fine for planting an invasive exotic, which was banned by the tree ordinance.

by mlhiss December 24, 2019

tree

a tall ,green and leafy stick.
can be mistaken for a giant salad kebab.

'hey there tall ,green and leafy can i eat your branches?'

TREEEEEEEE

by CDS And Meow April 8, 2016