Crumpeting

The act of a woman or person with a clitoris masturbating while laying face down.

Named after Netflix's Sex Education character Aimee, who is shown doing this in Season 1. Afterwards, she tells friends: “I’ve been wanking all night; I ate four packets of crumpets, and I think my clit might drop off."

Crumpeting is the preferred masturbation position of many people because it puts pleasurable weight and pressure on the genitals. There is also a feminist element to the celebration of crumpeting, in that a lot of porn designed to cater to the male gaze shows women wanking on their backs, legs splayed wide so that men can see everything; in reality, plenty of women prefer touching themselves in ways that are less about performing for others and more about genuinely pleasuring themselves.

"Crumpeting is my favourite way to reach orgasm. I like to lay on top of my vibrator with the duvet pulled over me, all cosy."

by CanCanOfWorms September 26, 2023

Crumpet muncher

Crumpet muncher is a similar term to “curry muncher” the difference is it’s a insult to the British

“Shut the fuck up crumpet muncher”

by Ismellmymic February 20, 2021

Crumpet Snalls

a crumpet of snalls

it's a bunch of crumpet snalls

by Crumpet snallus April 30, 2021

buttery crumpet

When you slab that butter on the crumpet and it melts all the way through to the plate.

That was such a buttery crumpet I licked the plate afterwards.

by anonymous August 18, 2022

Crumpets and tea

Crumpets and tea is a British food, usually eaten for breakfast or afternoon paired with tea often. It is made from flour, milk or water and yeast.

Friend 1: Hey bruv you wanna come over and have some crumpets and tea mate?

Friend 2: what kind of bloody question is that? Of course I do!

by sex minister April 26, 2022

Jacket Crumpet

A burnt breakfast

Aww man I accidentally made a jacket crumpet.

by A ham sandwich April 28, 2022

Crumpet stuffer

A derogatory term used to describe the British and their obsession with tea and crumpets.

American: "Here comes the Crumpet stuffer!"

by He8i3 May 4, 2022