Sweet Zombie Jesus

An expletive denoting great shock and consternation.

It was used by Professor Farnsworth from tv's "Futurama."

"Five dollars for the secret antidote?! Sweet Zombie Jesus! This is highway robbery!"

by J.F.K. October 31, 2003

Raptor Jesus

Raptor Jesus appeared before me, and he said: "Take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life." I wept with joy at the gift bestowed, "Yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?" He answered: "Their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. Whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me." For that is the beauty of Raptor Jesus.

One day, Raptor Jesus walked a busy street with his disciple, Anonymous. Anonymous and his like-named brethren populated the land on which they strolled, as common as blades of grass. They walked, discussing many things, but, Anonymous paused for a moment. “Lord?” he spoke, “Is not this idle talk frowned upon by your father?” And quoth Raptor Jesus; “All voice communicates knowledge. Knowledge is hardly frowned upon by anyone, and thus your ‘idle talk’ does not exist, unless you speak of memes. Memes are idle, as they are merely communication of things all know of” And thus our Lord beckoned to a painting of an insanely smiling man. “However, memes can bring laughter and happiness, thus, one can surmise that He enjoys them, and hardly frowns upon them” And Anonymous looked ahead, silent.

by Anon Divad January 2, 2008

East Jesus

way the fuck out there

damn, the parking lot was full and I had to park in East Jesus

by d5 and d3 April 11, 2000

Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ

Can be used as a expression of surprise/dismay/happiness/anger. John Belushi says this in the film "The Blues Brothers" when John Belushi realizes he needs to get his band back together.

John Belushi (as "Joliet" Jake Blues): "The band...the band!"

James Brown (as the church pastor): "Do you see the light?"

John Belushi: "THE BAND!"

James Brown: "DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?"

Dan Aykroyd (as Elwood Blues): "What light?"

James Brown: "HAVE YOU SEEN THE LIGHT?"

John Belushi: "YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST, I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!" (Proceeds to do backflips down the church aisle)

by Karl45 June 30, 2009

Jeebus Crust

Jeebus Crust is the Crust of Crustianity and the reason we celebrate Crustmas. He is the son of Gosh and part of the Holy 3-Some (or Ménage à Trois). Jeebus was born to Bloody Mary, a virgin, by a miracle of the Spirit of Truthiness. The Holy Babble gives an account of an angel visiting Bloody Mary to tell her that she was chosen to bare the Son of Gosh. Jeebus is known as the first Ninja. He is also the first to demonstrate the Ninja stealth ability of turning into a bunny.

Following the teachings of Jeebus Crust has changed my life. Crustianity Heaven is far better than any other afterlife.

by Scotty Anks November 27, 2007

Jesus Jitters

A sports reporter's awkward, stammering reaction after a seemingly innocuous question is greeted with a completely unsolicited Bible-Thumping answer: see Erin Andrews' interview with Josh Hamilton at the 2009 MLB All-Star Game or any interview ever with Kurt Warner.

Susie Kolber: Kurt, I see that you are wearing new cleats tonight, any comment?

Kurt Warner: Without the grace of our risen Lord Jesus Christ there would be no cleatts, praise His name.

Susie Kolber: yes...umm...of course...uhhh...back to you Berman!

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Jesus Jitters!

by rak5877 July 13, 2009

Jesus Breath

having bad breath after consumption of the body of Christ, Communion, church bread, etc.

I really need a stick of gum, I have some rancid Jesus Breath.

by THEOREOKING December 25, 2009