Westminster Alarm Clock

A sexual act closely related to a handjob. The receiver positions themselves so his phallus is accessible. At precisely the top of the hour, a partner grasps the receiver’s phallus and yanks on it with the force equivalent to the bell-ringers at Big Ben. This is succeeded by a shriek of either happiness or pain from the receiver. The amount of tugs depends on the time at the top of the hour. Dubbed “The Westminster Alarm Clock” due to Hugh Lupus Grosvenor, the Duke of Westminster, having the act performed on him prior to the construction of Big Ben. Disgruntled neighbors typically awoke to 8 loud evenly spaced shrieks each morning.

Gina: What time is it?
Colin: Noon. Why?
Gina: No reason…
Colin: AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!
Charlie: Sounds like Colin is getting one hell of a Westminster Alarm Clock. Oh shit! It’s noon! I’m gonna be late for that lunch date!

by TESTICLETWISTER October 13, 2024

Colombian Alarm Clock

When you drink yourself silly, meet a local for the night and be woke up in the morning by her yelling “baby baby baby” pointing at the shit mess you made while passed out. Literally shit the bed.

Austin: I woke early thanks to the Colombian Alarm Clock!

Matt: yo that’s so gross! Funny but gross!

by Arb Guy December 10, 2024

Filipina Alarm Clock

When a Filipina wakes you up with a blowjob early in the morning.

Person 1: "I'm planning on meeting you at the gym tomorrow at 6AM. Are you sure you'll make it?"
Person 2: "Don't worry, I've got a Filipina Alarm Clock."

by Smart Girl Philippines February 2, 2026

Amish alarm clock

Getting so fucked up that you pass out and your buddies make a farm animal shit on your head.

Dan got so smashed that we had a cow give him an Amish alarm clock.

by Ďëřpďèřp August 26, 2025

Park City Alarm Clock

Waking up in a luxury ski chalet to a local attempting to penetrate the wrong hole.

Sara’s one night stand woke her up with a park city alarm clock

by Craig Shebesta April 26, 2025

Alarm Clocking

Waking up sentient beings. Getting folks to STAY WOKE. Making noise, speaking up, & being FREE! Resisting groupthink, doublespeak, foolishness, and BS.

Lupe: Yo, a Bodhisattva just rolled up on me and informed me. I can't go back to sleep.

Yoshi: That's real talk, sister. That Bodhisattva was alarm clocking you. STAY WOKE!

by Woke Up April 25, 2010

Alarm Clocked

When a man puts his penis between a woman's breasts then moves it back and forth like the hammer between the bells on an old fashioned alarm clock.

Brenda's boobes were so big that she needed to have them alarm clocked.

by Little_White_Dragon January 18, 2013