Evan Rachel Wood

A literal angel.

I love this woman.

Evan Rachel Wood is the closest thing to God I've ever known.

by Spanky McQueefbottom April 10, 2023

Wood

Yeah, this is going to be dope. I might do like a Samson one next.

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow."

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow. "

Guard "Alright now... Carry the wood."

Jesus "Okie dokie. OOF! That feels WAY heavier than I thought it would! It's weird being on the other side of it...."

Guard "Go!"

Jesus "Yeah, no I didn't make these meat Gundams very well..."

*Crowd clamoring in the background*

Father 😨 "What in the fuck is happening right now...?"

Crowd "Kill Jesus! Meh!"

Father "You KNOW he didn't do anything!"

Jesus "Ope... Going down... *THUD!*"

Guard "You there! What's your name?"

Father "Huh? Uh.... Simon? Simon of Cyrene."

Guard "Help him carry the thing. Help him carry the wood."

Father "Do you know even who you're talking to right... You know what? Whatever"

*Lifts wood*

Jesus "Hey *Father*! Er, oh... Heheheh."

Father "Yeahyeah, very funny."

Jesus "I think so. Yeah."

Father *exasperated sigh*

Jesus "I don't think that guard likes me very much."

Father "Yeah... I think I'm going to burn him alive later..."

Jesus "Heheheh."

Father "Tsk! This is dumb. Why are you doing this?"

Jesus "Yeah... I don't know.... What else is there to do?"

Father 😧 "Um... I don't know, I guess. I don't like this..."

Jesus "Hey, not too late to save me."

Father "From what!?"

Jesus "Heh... Alright. Here we are."

Guard "Alright. Move along."

Father 😡 *Disgruntled mumbling* "Gonna move that fucking flesh along... Right offa that fucking skeleton of yours..." 😤

Guard "Alright. Let's nail him to the wood and get out of here."

*Hammering noises*

Jesus "Ow."

Guard *Stabs Jesus and walks away*

Jesus "Hey! Ouch! That is sharp...."

Dismas "Oh Lord! Please! Please forgive me!"

Jesus "Ok."

Gestas "Hey, why don't you just use your God magic, huh?"

Jesus "Ok."

Crow *Lands next to Gestas*

Gestas "AAAAAH! AAAH! MY EYES! AAAAAARRGH!!!"

Jesus "Heheheh... This is fun. You guys are fun... Hey... I'm getting cold... This... This feels weird... *Father*! Why have you forsaken me!? Heheheh..."

Father *Disgruntled groan* "GodIhateyousomuchrightnow..."

by Hym Iam August 11, 2023

Grounding wood

Grounding wood; when you miss the flying wood so much you become the opposite of flying and are now grounded. Grounding wood can appear when you are in immediate need of The flying wood back in your life

Person 1: “I just him so much and I feel so horrible about it and I don’t know why.”
Person 2 “you probably have grounding wood”

by Yanni734 January 16, 2023

Deer in the woods

It's when the guy...umm then he tucks..umm and prances.

When a friend of mine gets drunk, he wants to play Deer in the Woods.

by Tom_F00lery January 26, 2014

wood up

Some phrase that jacknjellify decided would look good on a shirt
Might be supposed to sound like “what up” no one really knows

Cary: yo what should we put on a shirt with the character woody?
That other dude, idk his name: wood up
Cary: what
That other dude, idk his name: yea, let’s print that on a bunch of t shirts
Cary: ok

by someone I guess March 5, 2021

Sometimes you got to live in the woods

It’s when life can throw some hard punches at you and you have to learn how to evade, get back up, and evolve in order to survive the next threat that comes into your life.

John: Dude I lost my job last month and it made my life a living hell and that’s what made me become an entrepreneur.

Dave: Bro “sometimes you got to live in the woods”

John: Dude that’s so true and I’m stronger from it

by Coboricua March 7, 2021

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A woodchuck would chuck all the wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

The other example was wrong so I fixed it.

" How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? " "Well my friend, a woodchuck would chuck all the wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood."

by sgt.failure July 28, 2021