Useless Turtle

The dopest turtle you’ll ever fuckin play with.
A.k.a. Super tortuga

Useless Turtle sure can fuck up those enemies.

by U5eLe55 TurtL3 October 14, 2020

turtle poker

A piece of Pooh stuck in ur butthole hanging from a ass hair

Mom help I got a turtle poker

by Sneeeeeeeeddddddarritaaa November 09, 2023

Turtle Monkey

A man that has a long neck, a hairy body and a monkey face.

Guy 1- see this guy right there?

Guy 2- He looks like a turtle monkey.

by Defineiswhatido January 26, 2021

Turtle poaching

When you punch someone who has a small penis in the dick making there head shrivel like a turtle.

Payton: i got turtle poached by some guy yesterday
thomas: omg is yo dick okay i hate turtle poaching

by Arnold mcjagger May 31, 2013

Laundry turtle

Noun. When you fill a laundry basket way over the top, then drape a towel over the pile and tuck it into the sides of the basket so nothing will fall out while carrying. The result resembles a turtle shell, and sometimes it will have little 'legs' of laundry items sticking out of holes in the basket.

I waited too long to do laundry, now im definitely gonna have to make a laundry turtle

by ¡El Fantazzzzma Blancoooooooo! July 23, 2024

Snapping turtle

Sex position, involves having sex with only the protruding head of a turtle (usually of the snapping variety). Bonus points if the shell vibrates.

Abby: Dude why are you bleeding like that

Kate: I tried the snapping turtle at the lake and it didn’t go well

by Lakelesbos69 August 31, 2021

Snapping Turtle

A clamp or clip tightened around the testicles.

Mike: No way! John has a Snapping Turtle!
John: What the fuck is that?

by RuggerBuggerBuggyBumpers August 31, 2023