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deuce ex machina

For all those times you were stuck on the john hoping against hell for that number 2 to just slide out nice and easy and end your misery, this would be the expression used.

Inspired by deus ex machina or basically the idea of a god coming down from the sky to end the story.
"Where is a deuce ex machina when you need one? My meeting starts in five minutes!"

"OMG. It must have been by the sweet atoning grace of a deuce ex machina that I passed that shit."

Ex-Lax is the pill form of the deuce ex machina.
by shizzinator March 31, 2010
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deuce cobra

A shit so long and solid, the head of the turd sticks out of the toliet bowl water; resembling that of a deadly cobra. The deuce cobra is considered extremely dangerous and should not be provoked, if your roomate or wife leaves a deuce cobra for you to discover, you need to remain calm; the cobra is more scared of you than you are of it. However, it may jump out and spray your face with doody. If your wife left it, than she is a high fiber diet whore.
Nigel thought it would be hilarious to leave Ty a deuce cobra after he ate a bunch of raisin bran drunk...until he came home and found his roomate dead in the bathroom and a shit streak from the corpse to the fire escape where the deuce cobra made its exit.
by mbc33 October 6, 2010
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Deuce Tweets

When a man/women creates a tweet (twitter post) on the toilet using a phone, laptop or other internet connected device.
Q: I just got a twitter update from you, but weren't you just in the bathroom... Did you Deuce Tweet?

A: Hell ya, I drop Deuce Tweets all of the time.
by amaxwell01 January 20, 2009
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Deuce Jenner

The act of defocating while in a full out sprint.
Dude, I'm about to hit a deuce jenner get the camera ready.
by JaCqEeZ December 30, 2012
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Deuce of Ages

The most epic shit that anyone has ever shat or ever will shit. A thunderous eruption of excrement unlike any the world has ever known. The kind of shit that puts all other shits to shame with its impossible magnitude and regal malodorous splendor.
Felix: I just took an incredible shit.

John: Yeah, that's great dude.

Felix: You don't understand, Jonathan. I've dropped the Deuce of Ages. It was magnificent.

John: Uh-huh.
by buttcheeks_mcgee September 30, 2009
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Deuce Hour

(1) an everyday regular bowel movement, usually around 2p.m., that is very reliable and semi-celebratory;

(2) anytime during the day when you make a trip to the crapper to curl one off.

(3) the timespan immediately following a lunch or dinner trip to one of the following: Taco Bell, Krystal's, Waffle House, aptly named due to the immediate urge to dookie.
(at 1:57 p.m.) I sure hope no one's in the john, because it's almost Deuce Hour.
by Coast Trash September 3, 2008
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Deuce on the loose

A turd that is anywhere except for in the toilet or in a person.
1.

Man! I need to get home quick or I'm going to have a Deuce on the loose!

2.

first guy: Don't go into the second toilet stall, there's a couple deuces on the loose.

second guy: Aww dude! Nasty! Where?

first guy: One on the floor and one on the toilet seat.
by CrazyAndyD October 20, 2012
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