a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

This expression shows the benefits of masterbation over intercourse by saying a bird (your penis) is better in your hand than having both your penises in a bush (vagina).

Women are sometimes not worth the hassle, headache or monitary cost to keep around, despite giving you sex.

Rob: Y'know, Greg, my girlfriend wanted another $20 from me this morning.

Greg: Oh yeah? What for?

Rob: I don't know, she wouldn't tell me. I bet she's cheating on me.

Greg: Why do you think that?

Rob: Well she borrows money from me all the time, and I'm stupid and jump to conclusions.

Greg: Well, my dad always told me that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Rob: You're right.

/corny story

by Joseph and friends. August 1, 2008

two in the poo

A procedure saved for classy woman. Involves inserting your balls into her brown star. Guaranteed hit.

I wanted to marry Cassie, so I gave her a two in the poo.
Two in the poo is the way we do.

by JN12 October 30, 2007

a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

what you may decide while contemplating your cock rubbing up against some other dude's cock if you were to participate in a 3some with a chick and said dude.

He had his eye on that girl all semester, until she finally invited him to a 3some. At that point he quickly lost interest, deciding that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

by Turttlemugger December 16, 2008

the lesser of two evils

The Democrats or Republicans, whichever party you vote for (unless you do the "cool thing" and vote for some third party sack of shit).

Don't throw you're vote away on some third party douche, at least vote for the lesser of two evils.

by Disgruntled Marmot May 26, 2004

the old one two

1. death 2. finality 3. farewell 4. termination 5. destruction 6. killing 7. elimination 8. the dumping of a mate, partner, etc. 9. often sudden defeat 10. disposal 11. riddence (often used with 'give' in all contexts)

I just gave my girlfiend the old one two by showing her the front door for good. I gave the burglar the old one two with my side-by-side shotgun and he will never invade my home again. The older boy gave his little brother the old one two in a fistfight.

by Jon64Bailey May 11, 2008

the old one two

Fingering a girl in her vagina starting off with one finger, preferrably the middle finger, and then leading it to using two fingers, typically the middle and index fingers.

Damn dude, I snuck in that fine ladies room last night, and it went down. We started just hangin' but it let to the old one two. Now she's beggin' me to hang.

by Robert Saggot February 1, 2006

two hand the pump

A term for using two hands when holding a gun

If you make me mad I might two hand the pump

by Allmanwords June 1, 2017