jesus hurtado

Jesus is the most amazing person you will ever meet , tends to be sweet,caring, and handsome. Has an amazing smile and fun to hang around with . Any girl would love to have a guy like him , Tends to know how to play the guitar.. He wil bightwn each and everyday of yours . Has a big heart , beautiful eyes , good looking and a amazing personality . If you make him mad he doesn't play .. Plays tennis.. SEXY haha .. Well jesus's are unique and the best thing that can ever happen to you. A blessing ❤️

I love jesus Hurtado

by Gordaa January 26, 2014

The Jesus Bump

Noun

1. Euphemism for awkward Christian sex.

2. Christian dry humping

3. Mormon anal sex

4. A dance move done by Christians in which they spread their arms out to the side to look like Jesus on the cross. Then with feet together hop to the beat of music with knees barely bending. Palms facing forward.

Verb

-ed, ing

The act of doing any of the above

Dude, that Mormon girl; she's totally down for the Jesus Bump.

Yea, man, she was so uptight. But she let me Jesus Bump that.

Man, that Baptist girl was a freak. We did the Jesus bump and soaking.

by Undercommons September 3, 2014

Jesus Speaking

The art of Jesus speaking,talking to dead people through a microwave.

Frank : What are you going to do today?
Anthony : I'm going to do some Jesus speaking
Frank : Who will you talk to?
Anthony : Actually whoever replies lol.

by Zxkred June 22, 2018

Undeveloped Jesus

when someone has a terribly unfortunate face.

Fuck. Matt Is an Undeveloped Jesus. He is so fugly.

by Bee749 November 21, 2021

Jesus Preschool

The stereotypical, faith-filled pre-elementary school that most small town children went to, typically held in a church basement. Includes cheese balls, prayer before snack, and 100 toddlers singing "Away in a Manger" for the yearly Christmas performance. Not limited to Protestant (Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran, etc.) and Catholic locations.

Oh my gosh, you went to Jesus Preschool? So did I! Did you say *insert rhyming prayer here*, too?!

by maybelatergater September 5, 2016

Cabbage jesus

A overweight cunt who is full of life and loves to joke around with anyone. He loves to make friends and will even share his lunch with you. He will go out of his way for anyone!

Bro 1: did u just see that guy? he just gave the homeless family 100 dollars!
Bro 2: yeah! he always does that his name is cabbage jesus..
Bro 1: what a mad cunt we should meet him sometime..

Bro 2: hell yeah!

by Cabbage jesus May 12, 2019

Black Jesus

No one less than Tupac.

In times of war we need somebody raw, rally the troops
like a Saint that we can trust to help to carry us through
Black Jesus Tupac

by FexilThaDon December 28, 2016