Kinky Jesus

A sexual position where the woman goes up against the wall, with her arms out horizontally like Jesus. The man is in front of her with his hands clasped in hers, humping her very fast and sweaty.

Also, if you're into this sort of thing, it can be done with two guys but they both face the same direction.

My girlfriend was begging me to give her a kinky jesus.

by Alex and the Delawana crew October 2, 2007

Jesus is Savior

Jesus is savior is perhaps the biggest troll website on the internet. Within its hallowed lines of code, insane author David J. Stewart, only real prophet of one Jesus H. Christ, spreads the true word of God to everyone who incurs his (David’s) wrath, such as the whole human race, which includes but is not limited to whites, blacks, Asians, Arabs, Chinks, niggas, niggers, Negroes, crackers, Whitey, terrorists, faggots, and the French, and reveals to you that everything you know and love is in reality “of the devil” (even the Bible) and run by “Banksters.” According to this website, anyone who is not David Stewart is bound for demonic booty-rape in Hell, the domain of the Devil, Illuminati, and Democratic Party. The website uses elegant literary devices such as contradiction, grammatical and spelling errers, non-contradiction, redundancy, redundancy, and destroying the reputations of celebrities, including those who need no help in that capacity, such as Justin Bieber, “Satan’s Homosexual Boy Toy.” The reason this website was created is because David got all butt-hurt after child protective services forced his daughter to take drugs that made her hair fall out. Reliving the Red Scare by calling things Communist is also another prevalent theme in Jesus-is-savior. Later in his life, David became a necromancer and beat small children, which led to his flight to Brazil where he remains today.

Drunkard 1: I have a new drinking game we can play.
Drunkard 2: What are the rules?
Drunkard 1: Let’s read an article on Jesus is savior and take a drink every time a reference to Satan is made.
Drunkard 2: Sounds tight brah!
(The poor booze-hounds died of alcohol poisoning without even getting halfway through the article)

by Ronald Bringus Ph.D. October 26, 2015

Undeveloped Jesus

when someone has a terribly unfortunate face.

Fuck. Matt Is an Undeveloped Jesus. He is so fugly.

by Bee749 November 21, 2021

Jesus Money

not actual currency, just hopes and prayers. When people pay you in Jesus money they dont actually pay you in money, they just pray for you.

If she pays us in Jesus Money I'll explode!!

by poopbutjazzfunk November 29, 2011

Jesus Speaking

The art of Jesus speaking,talking to dead people through a microwave.

Frank : What are you going to do today?
Anthony : I'm going to do some Jesus speaking
Frank : Who will you talk to?
Anthony : Actually whoever replies lol.

by Zxkred June 22, 2018

Jesus Preschool

The stereotypical, faith-filled pre-elementary school that most small town children went to, typically held in a church basement. Includes cheese balls, prayer before snack, and 100 toddlers singing "Away in a Manger" for the yearly Christmas performance. Not limited to Protestant (Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran, etc.) and Catholic locations.

Oh my gosh, you went to Jesus Preschool? So did I! Did you say *insert rhyming prayer here*, too?!

by maybelatergater September 5, 2016

Cabbage jesus

A overweight cunt who is full of life and loves to joke around with anyone. He loves to make friends and will even share his lunch with you. He will go out of his way for anyone!

Bro 1: did u just see that guy? he just gave the homeless family 100 dollars!
Bro 2: yeah! he always does that his name is cabbage jesus..
Bro 1: what a mad cunt we should meet him sometime..

Bro 2: hell yeah!

by Cabbage jesus May 12, 2019