Pythagorean Theorem

States that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides. While this is useful in math class, you won't be using it when you are bagging groceries or working retail or selling Nerf Guns.

Student: Ms.? When will we use the Pythagorean Theorem in real life?
Teacher: Well, um, real estate agents often use it to find out how much a house is worth?
Students: Ekscuze me waddahell

by Dick Clicker September 20, 2018

central billing theorem

In simulation theory, the central billing theorem states that any simulation of the universe where you still have to pay your bills is indistinguishable from the real universe.

Who cares if we live in a simulation!? I still gotta pay my damn bills! That's the central billing theorem, dumbass!

by epluribusnihilo August 17, 2024

Izumochi Theorem

When you don't practice something and immediately quit it becuase you couldn't accomplish anything.

A: I play 12 different games at once and go to competition, if I don't get a positive record, it means the game sucks!
B: That is the biggest Izumochi mindset ever.
C: Is this the infamous Izumochi Theorem

by Excusus Per Communitas March 16, 2024

Hero's Theorem

Hero's Theorem is a theorem that can be used to solve any problems on earth.

Crippling depression can be solved by Hero's Theorem.

by Chaommonaza December 1, 2019

Akehoshi Subaru Theorem

The Akehoshi Subaru Theorem states when one feels the whims of gacha due to an underlying feeling of fondness for said character (not including applications regarding “meta” reasons) one may utilize that in priority of gacha decision.

“man i really want to get childe because i like him but i dont think he’ll fit into any of my teams”
“nah man the akehoshi subaru theorem says you should get him if you like him”

by boopsae October 11, 2023

Paslay’s Theorem

Paslay’s Theorem states that the length of the penis is more accurately described by the ratio between weight, height and penis length. Paslay’s Theorem is known to describe the phenomenon of short and skinny men seeming to have large penises regardless of length.

Damn that man is packing! No man it’s just Paslay’s Theorem.

by Signumsixty April 3, 2022

Mom's dinner theorem

Accepting what you have under the guise of "everything else sucks". Truthfully, you gave up wanting what you dont have.

You hate potatoes, you could have carrots but its late and youre sleepy - carrots are probably hard to chew so you just eat the potatoes, this is mom's dinner theorem
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A: i dont know, i guess i like being a girl! I mean, being a dude peobably sucked just by standardization alone.

B: mom's dinner theorem?

A: id rather not think about it.

by Anoneeneemus December 17, 2024