Curb Hermits (noun) —
A subspecies of urban cryptid known for their sacred ritual of chain-smoking Marlboros on the same section of curb every day like it’s their personal throne of apathy.
These nicotine-powered philosophers emerge from unknown crevices at odd hours to contemplate life, loudly overshare trauma, and yell “you got a light?” at passing pigeons. Their natural enemies include: showers, employment, and any form of productive behavior.
Found primarily outside gas stations, 24-hour liquor stores, and anywhere weed smells like regret, Curb Hermits operate on a strict diet of American Spirits, Monster Energy, and unmedicated chaos.
Do not approach unless you’re offering a cigarette, gossip, or existential despair.
A subspecies of urban cryptid known for their sacred ritual of chain-smoking Marlboros on the same section of curb every day like it’s their personal throne of apathy.
These nicotine-powered philosophers emerge from unknown crevices at odd hours to contemplate life, loudly overshare trauma, and yell “you got a light?” at passing pigeons. Their natural enemies include: showers, employment, and any form of productive behavior.
Found primarily outside gas stations, 24-hour liquor stores, and anywhere weed smells like regret, Curb Hermits operate on a strict diet of American Spirits, Monster Energy, and unmedicated chaos.
Do not approach unless you’re offering a cigarette, gossip, or existential despair.
In the wild:
“Bro, don’t make eye contact with the Curb Hermits outside 7-Eleven. One of them asked me what year it was and then tried to sell me a dreamcatcher made of gum wrappers.”
“Bro, don’t make eye contact with the Curb Hermits outside 7-Eleven. One of them asked me what year it was and then tried to sell me a dreamcatcher made of gum wrappers.”
by Heyitspatt May 29, 2025
Get the Curb Hermitsmug. by xiof December 7, 2016
Get the pink hermitmug. My favorite hermit is Mumbo Jumbo.
by Mattjod July 29, 2021
Get the Hermitmug. by A person who is alive November 6, 2014
Get the Half Hermitmug. by Derp_Apple January 8, 2022
Get the hermit crabmug. The Definition of a cunt
by LyinFoo January 23, 2017
Get the boris the hermitmug.