Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving

Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving is when, after taking an enormous shit, you pre-emptively stick your hand down in the toilet water and break up the gigantic turd BEFORE you flush, therefore avoiding an embarrasing overflow situation. Suffice to say, some prepartion is necessary. (If the situation around Uranus requires you to wipe immediately, just "stage" the used toilet paper (TP) on the edge of the bowl and flush them AFTER the crisis has resolved itself. Otherwise, wipe later. 1) Wad up a bunch of TP ahead of time, to be used to clean off your shit-stained finger tips after you've done the deed. 2) Pull your pants half-way up, just in case there is a flood. 3) DIVE!, DIVE!, DIVE! Stick that hand right down in there and start breaking that turd up. Don't be afraid to overdo it. 4) DON'T WIPE YOUR FINGERS OFF YET! Use your clean hand to flush, then quickly cross your fingers for good luck. 5) If all goes well, you've successfully dropped the Cosby Kids off at the pool. Congratulations! If it didn't work, skip Step 6 and proceed immediately to Step 7. 6) Use your pre-saved wad of TP to clean your fingers off, then drop the used TP in the bowl. Proceed to wipe your butt (or if you've pre-wiped, tap in the used TP) and drop the TP in the (now) nearly empty bowl. Whew! 7) If the poop break up did not work (or you were too pussy to do it!), quickly hobble out of the stall to the next stall and finish your paperwork there. Act innocent.

Ollie: Well, Stan, that was a delightful and quite filling meal. Now, if you'll just excuse me for a moment.

Stan: Don't forget about Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving! (smiles sheepishly and scratches top of head).

Ollie: Indeed.

by The Sage Advice Man August 12, 2012

preemptive pee

the act of forcing yourself or others to urinate in anticipation of not having another opportunity to do so for a long period of time.

Better take a preemptive pee before we hit the road.

by casadefox May 22, 2010

Preemptive unfriending

When one deletes a friend from Facebook because he or she knows that the Facebook friend in question would eventually delete them instead. Preemptive unfriending thus robs the deleted Facebook friend of the joy of being able to delete them.

John: Why'd you delete Bec from you friend list?
Adam: I knew she'd eventually delete me so I wanted to take the satisfaction of unfriending for myself.
John: Ah, a preemptive unfriending.

by AntonBordman August 31, 2012

Preemptive Pee Break

The act of going to the bathroom before your actually need to so that you do not have to go later.

Joe: I’m taking a preemptive pee break before the moive starts so I don’t miss the climax.

Tom: Good idea, I'm right behind ya man.

by Creativehandsnc August 23, 2009

preemptive shit

The shit you take before you go out at night. Failure to take one can result in holding back a fart or even a shit in front of girls or others. Taking a preemptive allows for maximum beer drinkage and room for a late night meal.

Johnny: "Yo dude when these girls leave I'm gonna rip a sick fart."
Bobby: "Dude you defintely didn't taje a preemptive shit. We're going to the diner in a little bite."
Johnny: "Fuck!"

by NickyG103 June 14, 2006

Preemptive Call

A phone call you make to your needy girlfriend/boyfriend before you get into a Do-Not-Disturb mode. The primary (albeit unspoken) purpose of the call is to momentarily assuage your girlfriend/boyfriend's urge to call you, thus decreasing the likelihood of them calling you later, when you can't afford to be distracted.

Peter: I gotta do my taxes, but I bet my clingy girlfriend won't be able to fight the usual urge to call me.
Lawrence: Dude, just turn the damn cell phone off, or, better yet, make a preemptive call and get it over with.

by Jozzy November 6, 2007

Preemptive Flush

What you do when you are taking such a big dump that you are afraid you will clog the toilet, so you flush while the dump is being made. What you do when you expect a "Clogger Shit."

preemptive flush courtesy flush

by Stew711 July 20, 2015