Mexican Midwife

When taking a dump with a turd half-way in and half-way out, flush the toilet and have the suction pull the rest of the turd out of you like a midwife delivering a baby.

It was a hard shit until I used the Mexican Midwife.

by The Gooch2 January 28, 2009

Midwife

A person who provides personalized and professional care to a mother prior to, during, and after a birth. Midwives provide an opportunity for a natural birth in a safe environment and focuses on what is best for the mother and baby.
Synonyms include Wonder Woman, family, birth junkies, and some of the strongest women you'll ever meet.

Having a midwife help to deliver my baby was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

by Wanda Womban June 1, 2018

Midwife Crisis

The period of time after a divorce when a man gets in shape, buys new clothes and a flashy car. Usually fairly short lived as remarriage is imminent. Very similar to a midlife crises but not age related.

Have you seen John's new wardrobe? Ever since his divorce he is having total midwife crisis.

by CardWa January 22, 2008

midwife

A non-medical professional with no training who "helps" babies be born.

While midwives fell greatly in favor in the past due to modern medicine, they are currently experiencing a slight comeback because hippies are stupid.

"We're thinking about hiring a midwife for our baby instead of a licensed medical doctor."
"Enjoy your stillbirth."

by GAWII May 31, 2013

midwife crisis

A state of anxiety triggered by finding oneself in the process of giving birth

"Oh my God- I'm having a midwife crisis!"

by 321 barbie March 13, 2012

Website Midwife

Noun: a person that produces or aids in producing a new website.

I love your new site. It has excellent search engine placement, loads quick, great graphics…who’s your website midwife?

by AL!CE @ i Birth websites March 7, 2010

shark midwifery

When a vampire bites a woman's uterus open to get the child she cannot push out alone during labor.

Twilight Fan #1: I think the shark midwifery that Edward pulled on Bella in Breaking Dawn was so sweet! He'd do anything for her!
Twilight Fan #2: Really? I thought it was fucking disgusting.

by JuicyJuicer November 28, 2009