Technocock

The size of one's metaphorical penis, either man or woman, based off of amount of technology he/she uses on a daily basis.

Jimmy felt his Technocock shrinking as everyone at the table pulled out their Droids and IPhones, while he could only check his email on his far less superior Lotus.

by Saltee Garbage January 17, 2011

Auto Technotic Asphyxiation

Masturbating while strangulating oneself with a USB cable, a mouse wire, or an iPod earphone cord.

"Did you hear about Bill? They found him dead in a hotel room with his iPod cord around his neck. Called it "Auto Technotic Asphyxiation. I suppose the irony is that he was listening to Air Supply at the time."

by angryguntotingmeateater August 26, 2009

technovice

Someone who is new to technology. A non-geek.

Anything new has a tendency to invoke fear, wariness and distrust. Newcomers to the technoscene are commonly assailed with pejoratives: but we were all newbies once; and every one of us remains a noob in some field of human endeavour - nobody knows it all.

The term 'technovice' is a more polite, welcoming term. It says, "Hi there friend, I see you're new here, do you need a hand?" whereas "FOAD you loser n00b!" simply pollutes cyberspace.

The word can be read as 'tech'+'novice', describing the present state of the user's knowledge (or rather, lack of it): but hidden within is the suggestion of things to come, when read as 'techno'+'vice' :)

"Mandy's a real technovice, I had to show her where the power switch was on her PC."

by zutelwortle October 14, 2007

techno dick

An individual who gets blue balls when their bluetooth doesn't work.

"Shysie was a major techno dick yesterday. I thought he was going to cry when his phone wouldn't sync with his car."

by blanchester June 23, 2008

Techdick

Someone who thinks they know everything about computers and is an asshole about it.

"Our subsitute teacher is such a Techdick. He thinks he can run the entire city of Detroit on 1kb RAM on DOS!"

Note: The example is a true story.

by D & C February 25, 2008

technofucked

A situation where various high technology devices simultaneously fail and are rendered useless.

Immediately after his internet connection dropped, Joe noticed that his cell phone didn't have a signal and the battery in his PDA would not hold a charge. He knew right away that he was technofucked.

Bob was so thoroghly technofucked that he wondered if a giant meteor had just crashed into Earth, thus terminating all electronic communications worldwide.

With no cell towers in the area, Jay was completely technofucked when his GPS system crashed as he was driving in a rural, unfamiliar part of the county.

The I.T. geek was explaining the problem in a complex, technical manner when I interrupted and exclaimed, "I'm technofucked!".

Frustrated after a few minutes of being technofucked, Scott wondered if this was how life felt in the 1950's.

Lea never enjoys camping trips in the wilderness because she rejects the idea of being voluntarily technofucked.

After just a few minutes at his grandmother's home, he was overcome with depression as the grim reality of not having wi-fi, cable TV, or air conditioning left him incredibly technofucked.

by Buzz Writeyear January 25, 2008

Technodildonics

A field of study relating to the integration of electronics and sexual masturbation devices.

Doc Johnson the world's leader in adult toys has made tremendous progress in the field of Technodildonics with their new USB port / browser controlled dildos.

by Hal E. Halvorson April 6, 2006