Starmer Word Salad

The speaking art of talking without actually saying anything at all, to contradict yourself by saying one thing today, then flipping your position tomorrow and the day after, then again the day after that.

The ability to use words like "Laser focused", "Mission driven", "net Zero" or wishy washy non specific rubbery phrases like "We would negotiate" without actually saying what his limits are.

Or the endless flip-flop slogans

Another Future Is Possible
Under New Management
Secure, Protect, Rebuild,
A New Chapter for Britain
Stronger Together
Work, Care, Equality, Security
Security, Prosperity, Respect

On Your Side
Fairer, greener future
Build a better Britain

The art of creating a speech which is essentially word fog, that evaporates on the ether before it hits the ears, the ability to take an enthusiastic audience and have them phoning the Samaritans within 5 minutes of opening you mouth.

Sir Kid Starver was cheered onto the stage, a veritable plethora of meaningless verbiage ensued as the crowd first looked perplexed, started consulting a political thesaurus, moved to checking their fingernails, then looked nervously round the room to equally perplexed faces.

A hubub ran round the room, as correspondent after correspondent as phone came out, phoning the Samaritans for help as they gradually became ever more depressed, disillusioned, and desperate for help.

Back to the political news studio, a long broom hoves into view to poke a sleeping presenter who suddenly wakes up with a shock, "Err Peter, what's your take on Sir Kid Starver's speech?"

"Well Julia it was a classic Starmer word salad of non specific rubbery phrases from the Cuprinol man, a study in Mahogany by the country's greatest dullard"

by The Xmas Grinch August 6, 2023

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