Qualified immunity

A term that's often misunderstood because stupid people can't tell the difference between "qualified" and "absolute".

In the United States, qualified immunity is a legal principle that grants government officials performing discretionary functions immunity from civil suits (< two very important words right there) unless the plaintiff shows that the official violated "clearly established statutory or constitutional rights of which a reasonable person would have known".

So you can't sue that cop as a way to get back at him because he pulled you over for going 75 mph in a 55 zone. Or because he arrested you for drinking and driving even though you didn't wanna be arrested.

Qualified immunity does NOT prevent police officers from being charged with crimes (get this through your thick skull), nor does it prevent people from suing the departments the police officers work for.

Idiot: "Hey, did you hear about that cop who shot an innocent man 200 times? I heard he got away with the murder because of qualified immunity."

Guy with common sense: "That's not how qualified immunity works... at all."

Idiot: "But... some guy on Twitter said it, so it must be true!"

by absolute qualification January 17, 2021

Qualified Incompetence

A pseudo-legal shield granted to self-declared constitutional experts who have no formal education, no courtroom wins, and no idea what habeas corpus means—but do have a ring light, a YouTube channel, and a deep commitment to shouting at traffic stops.

Qualified Incompetence protects the following behaviors:
• Quoting the Constitution out of context while live-streaming from a car
• Filing lawsuits with the same strategic finesse as a toddler launching spaghetti
• Declaring oneself a “law scholar” despite being defeated in court more times than a parking ticket
• Misinterpreting the First Amendment so badly it violates the Eighth

by pro_sadie May 16, 2025

Qualified Nepotism

When you actually deserve the job, but you only get a foot in the door because you know someone. Basically merit… with a shortcut.

She didn’t just get the promotion because of her uncle—her skills were top-notch, it was pure qualified nepotism

by CoperateCrusher August 18, 2025

neighbor qualified

Good neighbor's, people next door that don't annoy you.

So far in my area everyone is neighbor qualified.

by jpg3 February 1, 2015

Three Hole Qualified

A woman who has had oral (mouth), anal(Butt) and vaginal (pussy) sex with the same partner.

When your girl gives you a blow job, lets you lay the pipe and takes it in the butt she is three hole qualified.

by Pool Guy December 15, 2008

YouTube Qualified

Someone who believes they are qualified or an expert in a particular field because they have watched a large number of YouTube videos on the subject. Usually relating to automotive repairs but can apply to more advanced fields like rocket science or brain surgery (with less success!)

Dave: I can't afford to get my car fixed
John: You should talk to Mike
Dave: Is he a Mechanic?
John: Yeah, he is YouTube Qualified

by S I M E February 28, 2020

Fully Qualified Fetus

An individual who gets a job only or chiefly because of their preexisting relationship (and sometimes relation to) someone already employed within the organization hiring them. A "fully qualified fetus" is most often young, inexperienced, and contributes little or nothing of value to the workplace.

"It looks like they've hired a fully qualified fetus for technical support. Good thing they didn't promote someone qualified."

by Bill Dukane May 2, 2006