two shits to a candlestick

to not know anything about anything

to "not hold two shits to a candlestick" is to think you know something but really know nothing

Dan: did you hear caleb's thoughts on obama care?
Emma: yeah, but the tool can't hold two shits to a candlestick when it comes to the goverment

by secretpumpkinking May 2, 2014

Dick-shit

The act of taking a shit through your dick

Doctor: Why are you here today, sir?
Guy: I went to piss but then ended up taking a Dick-shit

by Blood-lover June 17, 2018

Shit crippled

The feeling of still having shit in your asshole after a dump, despite the fact that you whipped your ass several times. When one is shit crippled, they tend to walk funny.

"I took such a huge dump that I got shit crippled, let's just say walking to John's house was not pleasant after that..."

by Ball Bustin Bob June 19, 2017

Shitting a porcupine

This means having a painfully difficult and laborious day that feels stressful, tedious or like it will never end.

First used during Google hangout banter on August 16, 2020

Today is like shitting a porcupine (meaning it's tediously slow, challenging, painful, laborious or difficult)

I'm shitting a porcupine (meaning having really tough day getting through everything)

Question: How's it going?; Answer: Shitting a porcupine mate

by DJ Furballz August 24, 2020

Feel some shit

feeling great sadness after seeing something

seeing her with him made me feel some shit man

by hgfghgfgh May 24, 2018

Piece of shit

Opie the mother fucker that won't do a damn thing with his life thinks that attempting to try to do people's windows is a means of income

Man that piece of shit Opie they fucked my windows up

by Tormentedsoul87 July 25, 2022

Shit Rattled

To be drunk beyond one's conscious mind.

Holy fuck, am I ever shit rattled.

by hammertime15 May 2, 2010