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closed missionary position 

male-female sex position: the woman lies on her back with her legs together (closed). The man lowers himself on top of her, with his legs spread, and enters her with his legs straddling her. This positions is generally preferred, over missionary, by men having intercourse with women with a larger/looser vagina (due to childbirth, etc.), as the women's legs being closed provides a false sensation of tightness on the penis.
Steve: "How is sex with your wife now that she's had two kids?"
Jon: "Well, her vagina got pretty baggy after she gave birth to our second kid, so we've had to do a lot more closed missionary position so I can feel anything at all."
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closet emo 

One who looks normal but secretly listens to 30 seconds to mars, panic at the disco and angel in the swamp. trys to act all hard with his peers and superiors but in real life is a bitch ass punk.(see Nelson)
Nelson has such a badass CBR 600. Too bad I caught him crying while he was listening to the Black Parade. He is such a closet emo.
closet emo by Porn*100 April 16, 2009

Closet Sex 

Closet Sex: when your fucking a girl just because its an easy lay, but you dont tell your friends because shes fat or ugly.. so you keep her in the "closet"
if you have ever fucked a girl, even if she is ugly or fat, but didnt tell anyone, you have had closet sex.
Closet Sex by Hot_Deli_Dan December 20, 2007

closet hemper 

a fuckin stoner that wont admit hes a fuckin stoner. these people are usually gay...or just a dumbass
derives from closet humper: a person who humps closets, or one that is ashamed of their lifestyle
closet hemper by Drew Fergy October 27, 2003

closeted homophobe 

a homophobe who pretends they’re not homophobic.
random person: “you’re homophobic.”

closeted homophobe: “no i’m not. how could i be if i’m friends with a gay guy? “
a slut named shannon that likes to eat stuff that is not edible
shannon because she eats pussy
clofer by Anonymous May 22, 2003
i really got a cloner for that guy
cloner by Clonerist October 18, 2008