Tobasco Wank

The act of smacking the acorn without washing your hands after handling spicey food anything upto half an hour after doing so (depending on the level of culinery heat).

Usualy results in some sort of aggitation and burning. This is a non advisable activity, and is some what frowned appon by most social circles as a method of arousal. It is therefore only accepted as a result of some sort of carelessness and or poor personal hygeine.

Jack: Shit man get me some bread...
john: what the hell for
Jack: I need to wrap it round my shaft, i've only gone and had a fucking tobasco wank.
John: Wtf, your bad, I need that for lunch tommorow tosser!

by farmerboy July 5, 2009

celebritory wank

A wank performed usually after a rough week of finals, as means of relaxation.

After his math and economics finals, he stripped down to his tighty whities, broke out the beer, playboys, porn and lube and settled in for a long, enjoyable evening. A celebritory wank

by sarahYBABY! December 23, 2008

wank momma

A woman who is not gettin any action, the opposite of a mack momma.

Damn Kellie, u thinkin about Ralph all the time has turned you into a wank momma.

by darcmatter May 11, 2006

Tongue Wank

A taste sensation. When you eat food that's taste so good it's like having an orgasm in your mouth!

'The food at Manchetester House was amazing. It was like having a tongue wank!

by Dirty JD September 18, 2016

Grief Wank

The act of masturbating in a time of great sadness or melancholy, often thought to be a remedy for such feelings. However, they are mostly counterproductive, often self-affirming the loneliness of the participant "at hand".

I'm really struggling getting over Emily recently", "Oh yeah? That sucks", "Last night, I tried a Grief Wank to help me out, y'know?", "I see, how did that go?", "...J..just hug me man, I'm dying here

by Merjiba April 13, 2011

Platinum Wank

When a "posh wank" is insufficient.
involves the use of a condom AND lubricant.

Maybe even a pre shower, shave and shite etc...
you get the idea.

T: "hey Dave, did u pull your head off last night with that porn we traded....?"

D: "hell ye, but I had to go platinum. a poshy just wouldn't do!"

T: "A platinum wank eh? I like ur style! bit expensive tho"

by h2ous June 16, 2009

Thinky wank

where you don't use porn to wank

Me: "i'm going for a Thinky Wank"
Friend:"who you going to think about?"
Me: "your mum"

by buttonsex February 28, 2012