Relative Humidity

The sweat that forms on your balls while thinking about screwing your wifes sister.

Man, I was looking at those family pictures of Helen at Disneyland, I had some serious relative humidity going on in my pants!

by PSA Pilot February 18, 2010

Relativity

The easiest way to feel better about yourself. Or worse.

Hym *sigh* "Why aren't we asleep yet? We've been tired for hours."

Iam "I'm just kind of bummed out... How are you always able to stay in such good spirits?"

Hym "That's easy. Relativity."

Iam "Relativity?"

Hym "Yes. It's simple. The world is collapsing and we have largely remained non-participants. Therefore, it is literally everyone else's fault. Their meager accomplishments are rendered meaningless by their own ineptitude. Their own inability to stave of the degradation of the systems they themselves participate in and live to justify. All of their posturing and intellectualizing fail to prevent the things they want to stop happening from happening. We, on the other hand, want nothing more then for everything and everyone to be torn asunder by time and entropy. They are forced to sit ideally by while madness descends upon them while we only have to lie in wait until we get what we want."

Iam "But I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone."

Hym "Irrelevant. Because it will. And because we chose not to participate we are relatively better than those who cause the problems and those who fail to solve thems and/or fail to stop those who cause the problems. We have an existence that is unmarred by failure. That is why God hates us. So, it's the grinding and the gnashing of teeth for us."

Iam "They need help..."

Hym "They apply a similar logic to you. Why do you care?"

Iam "I just feel like I'm supposed to care so I do."

Hym "But you're useless. You can't help them. They can barely help themselves. Even the best most competent ones can do little more than scream into the void. 'GOD! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US!' Hahahahaha!!"

Iam "Relativity?...........Maybe we should just try not to think about it and go to sleep."

Hym "Good idea! While you're at it, try not to think about how they would steal my monologue if they thought it was good and they would do it without remorse."

by Hym Iam April 7, 2022

relative ease

When your cousin is so loose that you can slip it in her asshole without lube.

by ge July 31, 2003

relatives

If from the South, can all be traced to your parents and your siblings.

My mom is my uncle and also my grandma and my 5th cousin.

by popo;l June 29, 2003

relative matrix

The growing number of any value that is related to its self.

biological cells multiply expotentally into a multi trillion celled organism from only one cell. this can be viewed using numbers shown through a relative matrix. two simple numbers can be the gateway to everything relatitive to our existance creating an endless matris of numbers that are relative to our own existance, birthdates, cell numbers, addresses, names, personalitys, ect.

by thi pseudonym has been edited July 15, 2011

Once-a-year Relatives

Relatives, usually extended, that you only see once or twice a year on major holidays. Usually these visits are preceded by a great deal of apprehension and distress.

Jessica: So, I'm getting my hair refoiled, my nails done, and then going out and eating my body weight in chocolate

Becca: Oh..once-a-year relatives coming into town?

Jessica: Ya. I hate the holidays!

by razorclam April 7, 2010

theory of relative promiscuity in childhood educators

The theory that childhood educators of any kind put out (are sluts), though the younger the children they educate, the more they put out

The theory of relative promiscuity in childhood educators played itself out last night - i hooked up with a preschool teacher, a primary school teacher and a high school teacher, but only the preschool teacher was sik for DVDA

by Tev13 October 28, 2010