Jesus was way cool. Everybody like Jesus.
Everybody wanted to hang out with him.
Anything he wanted to do, he did.
He turned water into wine, and if he had wanted to,
He could have turned wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine,
or vitamin pills into amphetamines.
He walked on the water and swam on the land.
He would tell these stories and people would listen.
He was really cool.
If you were blind, or lame, you just went to Jesus and he would put his
hands on you and you would be healed.
That's so cool.
He could have played guitar better than Hendrix.
He could have told the future.
He could have baked the most delicious cake in the world.
He could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky.
He could have danced better than Baryshnikov.
Jesus would have been funnier than any comedian you can think of.
Jesus told people to eat his body and drink his blood.
That's so cool. Jesus was so cool.
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was, so they killed him.
But then he rose from the dead! He rose from the dead, did a little dance, and went up to heaven. I mean, that's so cool. No wonder there are so many Christians.
Everybody wanted to hang out with him.
Anything he wanted to do, he did.
He turned water into wine, and if he had wanted to,
He could have turned wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine,
or vitamin pills into amphetamines.
He walked on the water and swam on the land.
He would tell these stories and people would listen.
He was really cool.
If you were blind, or lame, you just went to Jesus and he would put his
hands on you and you would be healed.
That's so cool.
He could have played guitar better than Hendrix.
He could have told the future.
He could have baked the most delicious cake in the world.
He could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky.
He could have danced better than Baryshnikov.
Jesus would have been funnier than any comedian you can think of.
Jesus told people to eat his body and drink his blood.
That's so cool. Jesus was so cool.
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was, so they killed him.
But then he rose from the dead! He rose from the dead, did a little dance, and went up to heaven. I mean, that's so cool. No wonder there are so many Christians.
by John S. Hall March 04, 2003
I have thorns on my head and I'm underwater, but the blood is not flying into the water, but running down my face, because I am Jesus, and I am awesome.
by Magical Nigga November 10, 2005
According to Christianity, God's son and the saviour of the world who will come again to judge the living and the dead (CORRECT). According to the Jews, a heretic who comited blasphmy (some Jews and Muslims see him as a major profit). Acording to athiest, some guy (WRONG). According to evangelicals, a way to guilt impresionable idiots into giving them money.
Even if you don't think Jesus is God's son and all, at least accept that he was a pretty cool guy with good ideas on how to live.
by northendwhitetrash June 26, 2007
The second coming is here! Jesus is back in the form of Joel Zimmerman aka deadmau5!! We are saved!!
by Rellik Uzi August 18, 2010
A Mexican male name of both Hebrew and Spanish origin. Pronounced "hey-zeus".
Jesus' are often times shy, guarded, and like to keep to themselves. However, when they find motivation to do something, they are the least shy people of all. Once comfortable with someone, although still guarded, they will open up a bit more.
They are known for their masculine looks and exasperated sighs. They are characterized by strong arm and bicep muscles which many find useful when pulling a woman in for a kiss. The skin of a Jesus is constantly warm to the touch unless they are outside for long periods of time in inappropriate clothing, such as at a high school football game in the end of October in a light jacket.
When they have a bad feeling about something, some may stay up throughout the night until they get bad new, like a phone call from a crying friend.
When a Jesus finds a girl, always a beauty in their eyes, there will either be terrible heartbreak or wondrous love. He will one day find a girl that adores his smiles and will get lost in his eyes. When they embrace, she'll wonder what has taken her so long to find this person. Both will realize just how much they love each other and how much they both want to spend the rest of their lives together.
When they no longer hold back, they become a great listener, a caring best friend, and a tender lover. Anyone who gets to know them for who they really are will either fall in love with them, or wish that they had him as a best friend.
Jesus' are often times shy, guarded, and like to keep to themselves. However, when they find motivation to do something, they are the least shy people of all. Once comfortable with someone, although still guarded, they will open up a bit more.
They are known for their masculine looks and exasperated sighs. They are characterized by strong arm and bicep muscles which many find useful when pulling a woman in for a kiss. The skin of a Jesus is constantly warm to the touch unless they are outside for long periods of time in inappropriate clothing, such as at a high school football game in the end of October in a light jacket.
When they have a bad feeling about something, some may stay up throughout the night until they get bad new, like a phone call from a crying friend.
When a Jesus finds a girl, always a beauty in their eyes, there will either be terrible heartbreak or wondrous love. He will one day find a girl that adores his smiles and will get lost in his eyes. When they embrace, she'll wonder what has taken her so long to find this person. Both will realize just how much they love each other and how much they both want to spend the rest of their lives together.
When they no longer hold back, they become a great listener, a caring best friend, and a tender lover. Anyone who gets to know them for who they really are will either fall in love with them, or wish that they had him as a best friend.
I'm completely in love with my Jesus, who gives me affectionate kisses and holds me in his arms until I fall asleep.
I want to spend the rest of my life with Jesus, my best friend until the end.
Will you marry me, Jesus?
I can always count on Jesus to remember a certain moment that means a lot to them for years and years, possibly for the rest of him life. Certain objects, such as an AC/DC jacket, arcade tokens from a first date, or even a girl's dolphin necklace, are triggers for memories that sometimes keep him up at night.
Even though his family is bothersome to him, he is loyal and compassionate about every single one of them. He never lets a birthday go forgotten or unrecognized.
I want to spend the rest of my life with Jesus, my best friend until the end.
Will you marry me, Jesus?
I can always count on Jesus to remember a certain moment that means a lot to them for years and years, possibly for the rest of him life. Certain objects, such as an AC/DC jacket, arcade tokens from a first date, or even a girl's dolphin necklace, are triggers for memories that sometimes keep him up at night.
Even though his family is bothersome to him, he is loyal and compassionate about every single one of them. He never lets a birthday go forgotten or unrecognized.
by DyingMelodies October 27, 2013
Awesome and Sweet and Kind Son of God. The Savior of the world. Giver of Eternal life and Forgiver of sins.
Jesus is awesome
by AtheismSucksSatanSuckstoo May 13, 2009
A Jewish man with high ideals that came out on the rotten end of the stick. Contrary to popular belief, Jesus never proclaimed himself the "Son of God", and in fact was only seen as a regular mortal until the Council of Nicea in 325, where the Christian Emperor Constantine proclaimed that Jesus was indeed Divine.
His name, Jesus Christ is purely fictional as well. Jesus was his name, however the latter "Christ" was not tacked on until much later, "Christ" meaning messiah, and derived from the word Christos.
Jesus was part of a religious society that preached love and humility amongst other humans. The Jews, however, were a constant thorn in the Empire's side, and Jesus was seen as a political dissenter, and was sentenced to die so as to make an example to others. A funny note to Jesus' death is that
A) Being crucified was nothing special; in fact, mostly anyone that was seen as a political enemy of the Empire was killed in this fashion (so no, Jesus was not special in this), and
B) It wasn't actually a cross that he was crucified on, it was a capital "T". The top bar, making it look like a lowercase "t", was only later added by the church.
When Jesus was crucified, however, no one seemed to care, and everyone went about their lives. It was only when Jesus' brother James (whom the church denies ever existed) was killed on the steps on the Temple of Solomon that the Jews rose up against the Authoritarian Romans (See: Temple of Solomon; Temple of Herod; Titus). So in truth, no one really knew Jesus existed. He was just another man to all of these people, albeit a demi-prophet.
It wasn't until later that the idea of Christianity was adopted, by the so called St. Paul. The problem with Paul's story, however, was that he was a Gentile (non-Jew) in Roman employ, and created the Christian church for purely political and self-serving reasons. Most of what he based the church on is completely fake, and was actually stolen from other religions, i.e.:
1) Mithras, the soldiers' God, was born in a cave to a virgin to free mankind from evil
2) Egyptian theological drawings always used a halo, mostly to represent something to do with divinity and the sun
... and many other things.
So in truth, Jesus was just a man that lived, and died. Most christians are completely blinded by their religious dogma to accept this however, and therefore Jesus will always be viewed as the "Son of God"
His name, Jesus Christ is purely fictional as well. Jesus was his name, however the latter "Christ" was not tacked on until much later, "Christ" meaning messiah, and derived from the word Christos.
Jesus was part of a religious society that preached love and humility amongst other humans. The Jews, however, were a constant thorn in the Empire's side, and Jesus was seen as a political dissenter, and was sentenced to die so as to make an example to others. A funny note to Jesus' death is that
A) Being crucified was nothing special; in fact, mostly anyone that was seen as a political enemy of the Empire was killed in this fashion (so no, Jesus was not special in this), and
B) It wasn't actually a cross that he was crucified on, it was a capital "T". The top bar, making it look like a lowercase "t", was only later added by the church.
When Jesus was crucified, however, no one seemed to care, and everyone went about their lives. It was only when Jesus' brother James (whom the church denies ever existed) was killed on the steps on the Temple of Solomon that the Jews rose up against the Authoritarian Romans (See: Temple of Solomon; Temple of Herod; Titus). So in truth, no one really knew Jesus existed. He was just another man to all of these people, albeit a demi-prophet.
It wasn't until later that the idea of Christianity was adopted, by the so called St. Paul. The problem with Paul's story, however, was that he was a Gentile (non-Jew) in Roman employ, and created the Christian church for purely political and self-serving reasons. Most of what he based the church on is completely fake, and was actually stolen from other religions, i.e.:
1) Mithras, the soldiers' God, was born in a cave to a virgin to free mankind from evil
2) Egyptian theological drawings always used a halo, mostly to represent something to do with divinity and the sun
... and many other things.
So in truth, Jesus was just a man that lived, and died. Most christians are completely blinded by their religious dogma to accept this however, and therefore Jesus will always be viewed as the "Son of God"
Jesus was born, lived in a theological-centered society, and was killed. Now he's being used for political purposes, or for greed in most cases.
by Matthew Johnston January 08, 2007