Guy one: did you hear that the history wizards wife has a boyfriend
Guy two: just another history wizard classic⚡️⚡️
Guy two: just another history wizard classic⚡️⚡️
by Taintphister March 28, 2024
Get the history wizard mug.Getting raped because your race mixer. Referring to the shower scene in the movie "American History X".
Dude 1: "Wow, you hear Jared got American History X'd in prison?"
Dude 2: "Yeah man, that was messed up. All because he hung out with a Mexican dude."
Dude 2: "Yeah man, that was messed up. All because he hung out with a Mexican dude."
by Jerry Batsford July 29, 2022
Get the American History X'd mug.by wifehaverthefirst June 11, 2022
Get the History mug.A set of made up stories compiled together to help brainwash majority of people. The _official_ method of producing such set is _speculation_. (source: Wikipedia). People who are capable to analyze material facts using cause-and-effect reasoning are kept away from compiling and presenting such sets. They are either lured into "exact" sciences such as physics, math, etc or made outcasts by the school system.
Nevertheless, history as a discipline seems like important for keeping the society to look civilized. At least on the surface. At least, in theory.
Nevertheless, history as a discipline seems like important for keeping the society to look civilized. At least on the surface. At least, in theory.
Ex1:
- According to history, Lincoln is credited with 1865 emancipation as the event exclusive to the USA and Lincoln's genius. Do you know when Russia emancipated its slaves?
- 1861, but it's not related.
Ex2:
- In 2022, in South Carolina they still teach their own history where Linkoln is an antagonist
Ex3: - It's well-known that history repeats itself.
- Well, that just means we can create alternative reality by telling people how we think they should have acted in the past.
(by the way Juneteenth, the official holiday, is celebrated each year because slaves technically were emancipated in 1863)
- According to history, Lincoln is credited with 1865 emancipation as the event exclusive to the USA and Lincoln's genius. Do you know when Russia emancipated its slaves?
- 1861, but it's not related.
Ex2:
- In 2022, in South Carolina they still teach their own history where Linkoln is an antagonist
Ex3: - It's well-known that history repeats itself.
- Well, that just means we can create alternative reality by telling people how we think they should have acted in the past.
(by the way Juneteenth, the official holiday, is celebrated each year because slaves technically were emancipated in 1863)
by Nikita1998 June 29, 2022
Get the History mug.The belief that what you learned in school is a sanitized fairy tale, and that real history is a hidden narrative of power struggles, secret elites, and suppressed truths. Professor Jiang’s “Secret History” lectures claim to strip away the official myths to reveal how power actually works—often through covert networks, ideological manipulation, and recurring cycles of corruption and collapse. It’s for people who think history class was a CIA plot and that the real story is always juicier, darker, and more consequential.
“Bro, Secret History Theory says the Roman Empire didn’t fall because of barbarians—it was a secret cult of billionaire patricians who engineered the crisis to reset the debt clock. That’s why we’re living in the Pax Americana version 2.0.”
by Abzugal January 24, 2026
Get the Secret History Theory mug.A method of forecasting the future by treating history like a repeating algorithm. Inspired by Isaac Asimov’s “psychohistory,” Jiang argues that large‑scale human behavior follows predictable patterns—like the rise and fall of empires, the outcomes of great‑power rivalries, and the timing of major wars. By identifying these “historical structures,” you can supposedly make scarily accurate prophecies about coming events. It’s geopolitics meets fortune‑telling, with a Yale degree.
“Predictive History Theory nailed the 2024 U.S. election and the Iran‑Israel conflict a year in advance. Next up? It says China will peak in 2035 and then face a ‘Soviet‑style’ unraveling. Check the charts, man.”
by Abzugal January 24, 2026
Get the Predictive History Theory mug.The claim that history is not a fixed, objective record of "what happened," but a story continually built, edited, and contested in the present. The facts (dates, events) are raw material, but the narrative—who are the heroes and villains, what was the cause, what does it mean for us—is a construction that serves current power dynamics, national identity, and social values. History is politics projected backward.
Example: "My 1950s textbook said Columbus 'discovered' America, a story constructing European triumph. My nephew's textbook says he 'invaded,' a story constructing Indigenous resilience. The Theory of Constructed History says both use similar facts but build radically different pasts to shape how we see justice and identity in the present. The past isn't dead; it's a construction site."
by Abzu Land January 31, 2026
Get the Theory of Constructed History mug.