Batch Monkey

(n.) Commonly used to describe disgruntiled business owners that are unaware of the procedures needed to be taken in order to get paid from a credit card terminal, software, or POS device...

Most people who are "Batch Monky's" tend to believe that if they pay a monthly fee to run credit cards, it's everyones else responsibility to make certain they get money in THEIR pockets.

-- "You guys have no idea how to do your job, I haven't gotten a deposit in 3 weeks!! WTF is wrong with you assholes. I WANT MY MONEY NOW!! I pay you guys every month, WHERE'S MY MONEY?!"

--"Well, sir/ma'am it's standard credit card processing procedure that you close your batch every evening after business, you're missing $34,596.94 as a deposit?! Simply close your batch!"

--"No one told me that I had to do that! Okay, I'll press the CLOSE BATCH button next time, THANKS... Goodbye"

--"Thank you for calling anyway...(click) you Batch Monkey Ass MothaFucka, do MY job. Heh!"

by ALKAIZER June 25, 2009

wireframe monkey

A wannabe user experience designer without any design inspiration or interest. Will work for anyone, Will draw anything

Yo! did you see the new UX hire?
Who? That wireframe monkey?

by savageUX February 7, 2018

dub monkey

A person that will propagate the idea that idea that dubbed anime is better than subbed anime no matter the quality of the said dub.

"they are such a dub monkey, they can hear Naruto saying "believe it" without coughing up blood"

by calboom March 8, 2019

monkey physics

The inexplicable physics that dictates the world of Nintendo's "Super Monkey Ball" games.

The monkey physics made it so when I barely tapped the bomb I flew way over my mark.

by Stuart J December 5, 2005

Monkey Guvnor

Term used in a number of phrases basically meaning "top dog" or a descriptive term for something which is really good (some people add the word "face" on the end which is only used whilst addressing a friend or someone you know well, can be taken as extremely offensive otherwise)

"Wow! you really are the Monkey Guvnor"
"Good morning me ol'Monkey Guvnor face"

by Pillga January 16, 2005

cringe monkey

Slapping an un-erect penis repeatedly either side of a sleeping partners face, so they wake rubbing their eyes like the 'cringe monkey' emoji

I couldn't sleep, so I gave her a cringe monkey to wake her up for a blowy

by IorekSholto February 11, 2017

monkey shoulder

The slouch one gets after excessive masturbation.

Steve tried to hide the fact he was touching himself in the Wendy's bathroom, but came out with a serious case of monkey shoulder.

by MacDaddy6.9 November 12, 2017