Jesus Christ

A mythological creature to whom is attributed power to redeem man from eternal damnation as a consequence of sin. Born of man's need to believe in something, Christ is a useful tool for many things: keeping the gullible in line, raising money, imposing morals on others, justifying war, bloodshed, and terrorism, explaining away tragedies like childhood cancer and natural disaster, silencing dissent, and imposing guilt, are among the most popular miracles performed by Jesus.
Christ retains a strong following thousands of years after his invention, despite the advance of science, education, and technology in the years since.

Jesus Christ, almighty son of God, has all power in heaven and earth, except the power to grow a money tree.

by runrobrun July 24, 2011

Jesus Shark

A Jesus version of a shark. Jesus walks on water, Jesus Shark walks on land.

Jesus made alot of fish and bread. Jesus shark makes people and bread.

Jesus was a person. Jesus shark is a cartoon.

Jesus got respect. Jesus shark has no respect. "nyuk nyuk nyuk."

remind you of anything? jesus shark is the big talking shark from josie and the pussycats.

"oh man tedd, I saw the Jesus Shark walk by me at the super market."

OR

"jesus shark watches me in the corner of my room when I sleep. fuckin jesus shark"

by ronnoc the axe January 13, 2009

Jesus Freak

Someone who is SO obsessed with Jesus, they will never see anything ever wrong with him, always love him. They will pressure you (annoyingly) about it constantly until you run away screaming.

Gotta kill them all!
Jesus freak: "God is real to you you shouldn't be fake to god he loves you."
John: "What? I was just standing here."
Jesus Freak: "God loves you."
John: "I'm not even religious!"
Jesus Freak: "You should be, Jesus loves you and is deep inside you soul."
John: "AHH SHUT THE HELL UP! YOUR CRAZY!" *runs away*
Jesus Freak: "He's going to hell :("

by annoyedbyjesusfreaks July 13, 2011

CoD Jesus

Someone that is insanely good at CoD (Call of Duty). CoD is synonymous with MW2 (Modern Warfare 2). A CoD Jesus is a player usually very skilled and often accused of modding, hacking or cheating.

Synonym: Munk3yNuts1

Antonym: F Bobby

Random Player: "OMG that Munk3yNuts1 guy is a CoD Jesus, look at his K/D!!!"

F Bobby: "What about me?"

Random Guy: "Nah, you're negative, MunkeyNuts1 is a CoD Jesus"

by mynutsonyourface! February 23, 2010

Jesus Freak

Though this is not going to get likes, in fact, it'll get dislikes, a JF is a true Christian who strives to live his or her life for Jesus. By grace they have been saved from their sins, spending time in his word and choosing to live for him; they tend to be non-denominational, but they may come from ANY denomination, even Catholic. They typically would fall under the umbrella of evangelical. That means they want their friends to know what Jesus has done for them and how much he loves them, and to accept him. They don't try to stuff Jesus down your throat, for they know that you can't, and may share Jesus or may wish to let their life do the talking. Though all true Christians can be labeled JFs, usually those who self-profess to be this are Christian teenagers. It is a reclaimed term, as it originally was a derogatory term used against hippies during the JM of the 70s, but when dcTalk made a hit crossover song called "Jesus Freak" during the 90s, young Christians now use it. They are cool, and may very well be your friend, but their "religious side," causes them to be persecuted. Their irreligious friends try to squeeze it out of them in every way possible, calling them racist, brainwashed, and intolerant, saying that they aren't cool for simply stating the truth out of LOVE NOT HATE. Most are truly legitimately cool people with normal lives that just happen to have been lucky enough to know Jesus.

(Note: True JFs do not live this way as an act, they are genuine people.)

Cameron: Do you want to come over tonight and see that movie I talked about? Maybe we can get some girls to come over, and you know...

Josh: Well, as much I'd like to do that, you no perfectly well that I'm a Christian and am not allowed to watch R rated films, nor would I want to... I would want to see the girls though...

Cameron: Oh, dude, I'm your friend, but do you have to throw in Jesus into EVERYTHING. I've told you 50 million times I'm an atheist and don't think God exists. It all just doesn't make very much sense to me. Can you please come over?

Josh: I know you're an atheist, Cam, and that's why I don't want to see you go to... (suddenly he got very quiet)

Cameron: ****? You really think I'm going to **** for not believing in something that doesn't exist and for living a life of sin that I don't have?

Josh: Well, when you put it that way... (silence) But yeah, I believe that because it's the truth, I guess. The Bible says so. I'll come over as long as we don't watch an R rated film. We can watch something else on your huge movie screen. But, will you please come to church, just once with me, this weekend? They have rock music!

Cameron: Fine, can't hurt. I'll come. But can we bring the girls tonight though?

Josh: Sure, but not to have sex.

Cameron: Ugh, you are such a Jesus Freak!

by Jesus Christ,FTW November 11, 2012

Walked with Jesus

The most hilarious and light-hearted euphemism to indicate that your shit, has indeed, been jacked.

Friend: "Hey dude, where's your TV?"
You: "Well, you see, it walked with Jesus."

by Sagely One July 7, 2009

Jesus Brick

If someone says something stupid or does something ridiculously awful, Jesus throws a brick at you with a note tied to it "from: Jesus"
The brick can fly around until it has stricken down its target. This phrase is ok to use if you don't believe in Jesus.

Girl - "Look, reindeer!!!!"
Boy - "Jesus brick! Those are cows!"

by REALITY, bitch January 8, 2009