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University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics

The place where they care more about paying Ann Williamson over $250,000 a year, cutting retirement funding for their employees, making units work short staffed on a daily basis, and caring more about profit than safety of staff and patients. Then after asking staff to give back earned vacation time and cutting the retirement funding, they find a billing error totaling more than 15 MILLION dollars. But lets not be harsh because they do have the Iowa Cares program where anyone in the state that doesn't want to work like the rest of us, can come for free healthcare where they can have room service, treat the staff like shit, and get all the legal drugs they want on behalf of the taxpayers. Even better, they can complain about the color of the walls, the rooms being too small, having to share a room, parking is too expensive, they couldn't find a cheap hotel, and the hospital should be closer to where they live. I could go on and on but I think you get the idea!
University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics Staffing Department hard at work

Staffing: you need 2 RNs and 1NA so you are not short.

Unit: yes and if we get 2 more admissions, we will require 1 more RN or we will be short staffed.

Staffing: we probably won't have the NA but we will let you know.

Unit: okay let us know, we have x-number patients that require 2-3 people to turn, potty, etc.

1hr later:

Staffing: we can give you the RN's but couldn't get an NA.

unit: okay, what choice do we have

5 minutes later:
(pager going off)
5 admissions in 20min.

Unit calling staffing;

We just got 5 admissions, we need another nurse because now we are running short.

Staffing to Unit:

Sorry but we don't have anyone.

Surprsingly staffing and bedboard share the same office, but staffing had NO IDEA there were all these pending admissions from ETC????
by pissed off employee September 19, 2010
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Hospital Pass

Literally (in schools, the military, etc): A pass that exempts the bearer from normal duty so they can go to hospital.

Figuratively (1): A Catch-22 situation which will inevitably lead to a person being badly hurt, humiliated or otherwise up shit creek.

Figuratively (2): In sports, a dangerous pass of the ball that may result in injury to the receiver.
Drill Instructor: Private, why are you out of the barracks?!
Private: Sir, I have a hospital pass... oohhh...
Drill Instructor: I see, that would explain all the blood spraying from your neck. NOW, STOP MOANING YOU PANSY! AND SAY SIR WHEN YOU DO!

Bill: I hear you just got assigned the Smith tax account.
Joe: Yeah, that thing is a nightmare. The IRS are investigating the company and I am probably going to be called before a grand jury.
Bill: Holy shit! That account is a hospital pass.

Doctor: So, how did you break your nose?
Private: I was playing football and the ball was passed to me.
Doctor: That doesn't sound dangerous.
Guy: Yeah, but the ball smacked directly into my face at 200 miles per hour.
Doctor: Sounds like a hospital pass. Ha ha ha ha!
Guy: Can I have another doctor?
by Guy with face December 23, 2007
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Hospital Hound

A person who constantly seeks treatment at an emergency room for conditions that require a lot of testing, but there is never anything wrong.
Nurse: What did you place in bed 12? Other nurse: Just a hospital hound, they were here last week with the same complaint.
by Dick Sledge August 21, 2017
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Hospital administrator

One who removes all joy from the practice of medicine
The new hospital administrator has hired a consultant to find out why the medical staff are unhappy.
by Knucklebuster June 21, 2018
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Hospital sock

The urethra of a male patient used to smuggle drugs ( especially weed) into the hospital, when the prison wallet is unavailable due to potential suppositories.
Patient 1: How did you manage to get that joint into the hospital?

Patient 2: I stuffed it into my hospital sock.
by Silver_Neon January 16, 2020
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hospitality vibrator

A vibrator specifically purchased for the use of guests. Mine, currently, is a plug-in wand type of model.
If he doesn't have a hospitality vibrator in his house, he can't fuck.
by River Ratty May 13, 2021
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Hospital Food

The concept of a nurse unloading a day's worth of shit into a decent meal and serving it to you.
Guy: The nurse came back with my food
Guy2: How did it taste?
Guy: Like dogshit fucking pizza
Guy2: That's Hospital Food!
by BIHTikTok November 7, 2021
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