Douche Canoe (noun): A self-absorbed,
obnoxious individual who drifts through life on a raft of arrogance, bad takes, and an utter lack of self-awareness. Often mistaken for a human, but upon closer inspection, closely resembles a sentient, poorly groomed
toe with an attitude problem because he likely sat on a
pinecone.
Example: Kyle, the human embodiment of a stubbed
toe, leaned back in his chair, manspreading like he was claiming land, and loudly explaining why everyone else was wrong about literally
everything. Between flexing his "elite genetics" (despite looking like a swollen big
toe) and hitting on anything that moved, he remained blissfully unaware that the entire room was desperately hoping for a strong gust of wind to carry his douche canoe far, far away.