Morning wood

That feeling you get when you wake up and want to mine some trees in minecraft.

Mum, look at the size of the morning wood I have!

by ShampooDrinker September 13, 2021

wood slap

Eating oneself happy - mainly through crisps and cock.

Man that boy is fat.... he is bang on wood slap

by robgreen June 8, 2009

Knock on wood

A playful yet gentle word describing the way the world takes the time to visually interpret the act of penetrating trees and foliage with one's erect penis.

India's tolerance regarding Knock on Wood was said to have decreased their population growth in the years 2020 to 2024.

by Pattifil August 2, 2022

Chopping wood

A term for jacking it off in the woods. Can also be a term for mastering while small children are watching.

Hey you chopping wood back there?

by Ianisanoggod December 7, 2016

Petrified Wood

a.k.a. erectile dysfunction. When a chub is too frightened (petrified) to cum out.

Vajona Jackson was ready for a hot night of boner-rockin' but her man's unit was too scared to go into the dark. Therefore, his petrified wood "layed" low, unable to rise and shine.

by vajona jackson-hewitt August 22, 2011

wood sores

the serious consequences of being poor white trash, (usually a roman catholic family of 10 kids or more) having to remove splinters,caused from making a worn out couch your bed for two or more years, from the lower back or even the taint region.

After being molested by the couch, i had wood sores for 3 weeks.

by cut throat committee December 13, 2008

plain wood

When you're girlfriend gives you head, without any flavor or lotion. Flavor, basically. Like you know all those sex shops give you flavors an stuff. Like your girlfriend said last week. It's gross without strawberry.

I gave my boyfriend plain wood, but then I was like, this shit tastes gross!

by Dr.Claw! July 7, 2017