Jesus Christ

A cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father and can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Damn, that guy Jesus Christ sure is bad-ass. He somehow managed to revive himself after being nailed to a giant board. Props, yo.

by Levi Hizzle August 13, 2009

Jesus H. Christopherson

When you start to take the name of the Lord God in vain but then follow it up with an 'opherson' at the end so it doesn't seem like you're breaking one of the commandments.

Someone that is supposed to be a Christian and -lets say- works in construction is hammering a nail but smashes his finger and yells; "Jesus H. Christopherson!"

by auditus maximus July 1, 2005

Jesus in Japan

A person who is like a fish totally and utterly out of water in every way, yet, they completely and effortlessly rule wherever they are, like a King Beagle or Top Dog

The name coming from the wildly juxtaposing idea of the Catholic/Christian messiah being in the most techonologically advanced country in the world.

"Man, check out Simon walking through those guys' hood, he's like Jesus in Japan!"

"I don't believe that, the quiet guy in the hat just strolled in here like he's King Beagle, threatened to Chamberlain one of those bikers, and sat down calmly, just like Jesus in Japan."

"Check that guy out, he doesn't speak a word of their language, dress the same or even care, but still, he's like Jesus in Japan."

by Tuco LeBlanca April 14, 2008

JESUS NAVAS

a word of expression. instead of saying JESUS! you say JESUS NAVAS. he is also a footballer.

Alex: I'm Gay.
edis: JESUS NAVAS, i didnt see that coming

by JESUSNAVAS August 31, 2010

jesus dollars

Extraterrestial currency that Jesus will give OR NOT give you when you die, considering you make it into heaven. The amount you receive is based on how good/bad of a person you were on Earth.

also known as "jesus bucks"

Jeremy: "Matt is such a stuck up, arrogant, spoiled bitch. He thinks just cause his dad is successful, it justifies him being so argumentative and getting fat all day."

Liz: "Don't worry jeremy, it doesn't matter that matt lives rich off his parents now. If he makes it into heaven that kid couldn't even afford the value menu, cause he's getting NO jesus dollars."

Jeremy: "HAHAHAHAHAH!!! jesus dollars? i'm putting that on urban dictionary!"

Liz and Jeremy: fist bump

by J DIBS August 26, 2011

inverted jesus

act of sex involving one female and three males. Female lays on bed with head at foot of bed, tea bagging male number one who is standing above her. males two and three at each side of the bed receiving hand jobs from female, stretching her out like an inverted jesus

shit, that bitch was goin crazy, we layed her out like an inverted jesus!!!

by Cantankerous Captain Aptos March 29, 2005

I'm not saying I'm [Jesus]...I'm just saying

An expression to be used prior to a statement that
a) though delivered with good intentions, may potentially sound critical or
b) points out that you were correct (assuming you were initially doubted)

May also be used interchangeably with the term "baby Jesus"

"I'm not saying I'm Jesus...I'm just saying that you should probably turn right at the next light"

"I'm not saying I'm baby Jesus...I'm just saying that you got a ticket for parking there (like I said you would)"

by MissMelanieG January 13, 2009