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Canadian Masturbation

Guy 1: "Yo Eric just did Canadian Masturbation!!!"
Guy 2: "Oh yeah, he's from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, right?"
Guy 3: "That's why its Canadian masturbation and not normal masturbation!"
by Jonathan Werd December 23, 2024
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Scottish masturbating

A combination of having an orgasm, taking a shit and puking at the same time.
''Dude, after masturbating on a Scottish way it takes a huge amount of time to clean it up.''
- ''Yeah man, that's the disadvantage of Scottish masturbating!''
by idgafosoae April 12, 2017
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Ethical masturbation

Ethical masturbation does NOT refer to a literal act of masturbation performed ethically, rather, it refers to an act of self loathing and self deprecation done with the goal to ease one's mind, it is often done as follows (conversation example):

Ethical masturbator: oh no, big bad me did a big bad thing
a normal person: maybe do something about it, then?
Ethical masturbator: no, I will just sit here and talk myself down so that I feel like I have been true to myself and so I won't feel guilty about something-bad-that-I-did/something-bad-that-just-happened-on-it's-own even despite the fact that I did nothing to fix it.

another form of Ethical masturbation is doing the same exact thing but rather than just indulging in self-loathing, one might also start asking supernatural entities (gods, spirits, ETC) for forgiveness
just saying that you are bad won't fix things, it's not remorse - it's Ethical masturbation
by Leo of the Харків December 28, 2024
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no masturbate march

a month where only women are allowed to masturbate and men are not allowed to, like no nut november.
john: hey im going to go masturbate
amelia: no you cant its no masturbate march hahah
by depressed banana February 28, 2025
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masturbating

when you beat the absolute living shit outta your meat package, that a liquid located inside of your ballsack called "semen", "cum", or "jizz" will rapidly start squirting and shooting out of your penis hole at 1000 miles an hour.

but if unleashing the hot sticky jizz from your fat, thick, juicy, and erect cock into the pussy/vagina of your female partner, it will result in the female becoming pregnant and having children.

also could be considered something that you do on a daily basis since you have no girlfriend to stick your cock inside of.
(masturbating)
guy: OMAGASH im boutta unleash my sticky hot jizz all over my bathroom walls from the excessive masturbation that i have currently done

(couple)
guy: im boutta jizz all over your face, bitch!
girl: oh yes daddy uwu
by Hypurrelet August 14, 2023
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masturbation

for horny bitches:
i heard my parents car finally leave the drive, running to the draw filled with dildos and lube. i ripped off my clothes until all that was left was my thong. i gently started to rub my pussy, feeling instant relief and wanting more. i ripped off my panties, enjoying it even more raw. the more i rubbed, the more vigorous i got. it was throbbing now, begging for those fingers to slide right in. i moaned at the thought of it, inserting my middle finger into my clit, pounding it in and out. but 1 wasnt enough, my index finger slid in along with my middle finger going as deep as i could. cum building up, rubbing and fingering myself even harder to the point my legs were shaking. the adrenaline was insane, building up until i moaned so loud my throat hurt. i couldnt stop moaning, it just felt so good. i needed more, i craved more. i slammed my draw open and pulled out my dildo. i placed it facing upwards on my floor and yanked my fingers out of my pussy. i started to bounce on it, turning into aggressively riding it and pumping it into my body. god it felt so good. my pussy was dripping wet. i could feel the cum about to leave my body, clenching to not finger myself even more. this lasted a few seconds before it squirted out of me, launching across the room and landing on my door, dripping down. the moan that came out of me was the best one yet. i couldn't help but rub my pussy even more until my brother came in my room. not realising he was home, he said
"no need for masturbation, i can help with that"
by sw@ggyp0tat0es February 22, 2024
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Masturbate

When you are so depressed that it's your only way of escape. Sure you can get pleasure from it, but it's temporary. And then you get even more depressed. Like cigarettes, It begins as a very fun and new and exciting process, given that you just discovered your puberty. But over the years, you just get tired of it.

You get tired over it and want to stop this once and for all. But you can't. You can't because it's just so addicting. It's basically self harm but a lot, lot less painful and harmful. But its still tiring. You can't stop. You regret ever starting it. But it's your only way of escape, from all your pain, suffering, and tiredness. Ever time you masturbate, you feel absolutely ashamed, pathetic, miserable and like an absolute piece of shit.

You start by feeling horny as fuck, either you probably open p*rn or just create pictures in your head of whatever fetish you have. I mostly have a fetish of female neck movement, and (partly) NATURAL and NOT FORCED female hiccups and burps. Enough of that. After that you hold your cock or shove in pussy (depends if you're a boy or girl. I am of the former.) And then you pleasure yourself as if you're having sex, but you actually don't. Many use lubricants like lotion or oil, or soap when you're in shower. but I personally prefer dry. I mostly masturbate during shower and before sleep. It's shitty, really.
Corbin: *goes to sleepover and can't masturbate*
Corbin: "guess I won't sleep today. I really need to masturbate. But I don't wanna. Man, my life just keep getting shitter."
by Joshua Joestar (MvN) June 20, 2022
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