Ethical masturbation

Ethical masturbation does NOT refer to a literal act of masturbation performed ethically, rather, it refers to an act of self loathing and self deprecation done with the goal to ease one's mind, it is often done as follows (conversation example):

Ethical masturbator: oh no, big bad me did a big bad thing
a normal person: maybe do something about it, then?
Ethical masturbator: no, I will just sit here and talk myself down so that I feel like I have been true to myself and so I won't feel guilty about something-bad-that-I-did/something-bad-that-just-happened-on-it's-own even despite the fact that I did nothing to fix it.

another form of Ethical masturbation is doing the same exact thing but rather than just indulging in self-loathing, one might also start asking supernatural entities (gods, spirits, ETC) for forgiveness

just saying that you are bad won't fix things, it's not remorse - it's Ethical masturbation

by Leo of the Харків December 28, 2024

The Fisher Masturbator

An Urban Legend from colonial Southbend, Indiana about a Fisher man attending Fisher Town Hall meetings and parlor events to masturbate in public spaces. The townspeople banished him for ejaculating in the town’s lake. Legend has it, it you look too deeply into St. Joe’s river, the Fisher man stares back.

Frank: Do you that Greek story about that dude that fell in a lake or something?
Fred: Yeah, The Fisher Masturbator?

by L*na August 2, 2022

must masturbate may

something that does not exist like your dad

Joe "When is must masturbate may?"
Jeff "When your dad comes back."
Joe cries

by IDK BUT YOUR MUM IS GAY November 21, 2022

Masturbate

When you Stroke your Dick until you reach a orgasm and bust everywhere.

Micheal:yo bro don’t open my door Im masturbate In here.
Jayden: Okay bro do your thing don’t use all the lotion btw.

by Orly$anchez4lifebitch February 3, 2024

ANUS MASTURBATE

It is a BOWEL MOVEMENT from start to finish and it has a PURE PURPOSE at a certain point.

Well, when you realize that this is the most PURE ACT in the world which is proven by the ultimate ASSHOLE LEADER your ANUS MASTURBATE and that is why it feels so good most of the TIME when SHIT passes from your ANUS into the ASSHOLE to the outside world.

by NOBLE PEACE SUNDER EEE October 13, 2021

disagreement masturbation

The act of listening and/or watching news media and opinions you disagree with to enjoy the fact that you disagree with it.

Sarah the atheist liberal enjoys listening to fundamentalist conservative Christian radio stations because she likes disagreement masturbation.

by qwartwater February 1, 2024

masturbation

Finley Doyle's favorite active

finely just had masturbation session

by finster May 16, 2022