To Masturbate

An attempt to pointlessly satisfy an irrational urge in the short term.

(where in the long term on further reflection you realise it to be truly unsatisfactory)
"Sometimes I try to masturbate a really long or difficult word into a sentence just to feel I'm smarter than I actually am!"
by January 14, 2021
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pet masturbation

When you proceed to jack your pet off and eventually use your mouth until they ejaculate
Mike attempted to perform pet masturbation but did it to hard and got bit
by trevelhasasmalldick March 21, 2017
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Keema & Masturbate Day

Adam - "Did you get Steak & Blowjob last night?"

Tom - "No, I had Keema & Masturbate Day, unfortunately."
by Safali March 15, 2016
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Canadian Masturbate

The act of freezing ones foreskin to the point it snaps and cracks when one gets an erection.
"Don't pick a fight with me, or I'll Canadian Masturbate all over you!"
by Nacho Gomez October 09, 2024
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Social Masturbator

A person providing social commentary aimed at enforcing said person's superior knowledge and ethos of current moral / values and that which is politically correct. Social mastrubators are often failed / undiscovered political journalists and band together on social media where the opportunity to point out where a politically incorrect view is raised.
That tweet brought out social masturbators in full force.
by AJ Nel November 15, 2015
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disagreement masturbation

The act of listening and/or watching news media and opinions you disagree with to enjoy the fact that you disagree with it.
Sarah the atheist liberal enjoys listening to fundamentalist conservative Christian radio stations because she likes disagreement masturbation.
by qwartwater February 02, 2024
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Religious Masturbation

Religious Masturbation.

Speaking about the supposed superiority of your religion, for the sole pleasure of listening to yourself and showing off to other members of that religion.

A religious leader preaching to the saved

Etymology: the religious counterpart to masturbation; i.e. a process that is very pleasurable but doesn’t accomplish anything in the end.
The preacher gave a nice example of religious masturbation; a preaching about conversion to the saved
by Lyreluthier October 15, 2019
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