canada's history

the sexual act of having a group of men with explosive diarrhea defecate into an unconscious woman's vagina. After all the men present have made bowel movements, the woman is hung upside down by her feet. The men then take turns guzzling maple syrup and then inducing vomit onto the woman's vagina. The woman, still hung by her feet, is spun around in circles so the rope, cable or chain used to bind her, when let go, causes her to spin wildly out of control. As this happens, the men masturbate. The last man to ejaculate is punched in the face until the suspended woman stops spinning and comes to a complete and total rest. That man is then adorned with moose antlers and must sit on a replica of the stanley cup whittled from the largest log of a beaver dam. The replica also must be filled with poutine (a canadian cuisine consisting of french fries, cottage cheese and gravy). He must remain on this replica until the suspended woman has awakened and consumed all of the aforementioned contents of her vagina with a red and white candy-striped crazy straw.

Stephen Colbert had to suspend his show for a week because he stayed home sick from participating in Canada's History.

by bar britters February 5, 2010

Canada's History

Canada's history is terriable, and filled with many unspeakable events. It was first brought around by French fur traders, and has been going in for a few hundred years. Many times the Stanley Cup has been in this horriable move.

It is where one takes a jar of maple syrup (has kept Canada's History stable in export for others to use) and lather it on the male penis. Use the stickiness to slide it through a hole in the Stanley cup that runs all the way through, and let the semen enter a hollowed out moose antler a female has up her utereus.

Many have seen Canada's History as evidence that these seemingly polite people are truly evil and ice-holes.

"Did you hear Kevin and Miranda were so upset at the so few golds Canada has earned, -eh?"
"Yeah, -eh. They preformed Canada's History to relieve the despair."
"No! I thought they were respectable people."

by Sonic Screwdriver February 19, 2010

Canada Exhaust Pipe

When it is so cold outside that when one farts, water vapor is seen from the farters ass. Exactly like a cars muffler in winter.

Dude: Fuck it's cold as shit outside!
Guy: No shit, I saw folks leaving church this morning and this one dude was kind enough to hold his fart the entire service. He definitely had a Canada Exhaust Pipe.

by WholePriest December 30, 2011

Canada fork ban

In Canada forks have been banned. Many Canadians gave forks to the wild Canadian geese outside of Tim Hortons and the geese used them as weapons, enslaving half of Ontario. Since then, forks have been banned from many Canadian provinces. As I am writing this I am eating salad with a knife. Stupid geese

The great Canada fork ban was a troubling event that caused chaos and terror for many Canadians

by Obsessive_Fangirl June 1, 2021

I'm Moving To Canada

What an American says when he/she has had it with USA.

Rick Perry won? Fuck it, I'm moving to Canada.

by JoyDivisionIanCurtis January 30, 2012

United States of Canada

All the blue states that voted for Kerry in the 2004 election... the states that are so embaressed that Bush won the election and wish they belong to Canada instead.

Contrasted to all the red states, called Jesusland.

After the election, a new map was drawn showing the United States of Canada and Jesusland.

by majenwen November 30, 2004

Canada Hating Grandma

Hates her "favorite" son because he moved to Canada. Thinks anyone who isn't Chinese is some kind of rapist. Has never been to an actual school. She thinks world war II is going on in Canada. Paralized and stays in a bed all day. Real name is ____ ____ Stick, which makes sense because if she says anything racist ever again I will shove a stick up her saggy ass.

My Canada Hating Grandma just got hit by a bus... #karma

by Your ugly ass mother May 20, 2017