closet commando

Closet Commando. A person who romanticizes military or police forces, weaponry and gear, yet have no real working knowledge or experience regarding them.
A closet commando usually likes to dress the part in tactical or military gear to mimic a military/militia member for fun.

John boy talks a big game about his AR—15 and likes posing in his tactical vest but he’s just a closet commando

by Rook May 20, 2024

in the closet

to be in the closet is when everyone around you assumes you are straight, and you are left in an awkward position to decide to correct them or to stay quiet, there is a possibility they don't know either

conclusion if they avoid topics about being attracted to the opposite sex or the same sex, they might be a part of the LGBT community; however, you could never know

random girl: "Okay girls, which guy in camp woods is the sexiest?"
girl in the closet: "I don't know, I haven't been paying attention"
short hair girl: "I think it's Marcus, what about you guys?"

by GayMoth October 27, 2022

crystal closet

someone who says they're really straight (them being in the closet) but in reality, they're gayer than all rainbows combined, but they don't wanna admit it (hence the term crystal closet, because everyone except them can see through their closeted behavior. the trans equivalent for this would be "egg".)

x: have you seen z? they're so gay it's turning me homophobic, like come out already!
y: typical crystal closet behavior, they'll grow out of it (i hope)
z: IM NOT GAY ISTG

by Toh.gayest.show September 4, 2023

closet candy crusher

One who secretly smokes methamphetamine out of hookers buttholes using a special ass bong device. It is like a normal bong except that the bottom is open, allowing the water chamber to be the rectum of said hooker.

Bro: "Yo man I heard Randy is a closet candy crusher. Dude smokes ice out of skank booty."

Bro2: "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have let him borrow my assbong. Oh well YOLO!"

Bro: "Nasty mang, you probably got mouth herpes now."

by the mysterious j September 7, 2013

Honey Closet

Probably the coolest guy on the face of the planet, bar none!

Whoa, "Honey Closet is rad, dude"

by jeremy lukin October 5, 2010

Closet Pineapplest

Someone who declares they don't like pineapple on pizza. But secretly they do.

Oh, is that a pineapple pizza! You're such a closet pineapplest.

by f4fred May 24, 2019

closet johnson

A wrestling move from magic johnson in the late 70's when he wrestled asian buisness men

"get off me or ima give you the fattest closet johnson"

by closet johnson January 18, 2009