Chuck Norris jokes

Jokes made about the overrated, has-been actor Chuck Norris.

Examples of Chuck Norris Jokes:

Chuck Norris fought Mr. T, Rambo, Tupac, Bruce Lee, and the pink and yellow Power Rangers and lost, then vowed never to return to the nursing home on Halloween again.

Chuck Norris once attempted round house kicking Jet Li. His leg broke when it connected with the television, then he fell and broke his hip.

Chuck Norris almost turned down the offer to make a cameo in the movie "Dodgeball" on the grounds that he doesn't like to dodge balls—he prefers to have them resting on his chin.

When Chuck Norris completes a push-up, he does not actually move all the way down, it's the Earth moving up and punching him in the face.

Chuck Norris has been confused with Santa Clause, because whenever he enters a little boy's room he leaves with an empty sack.

Chuck Norris' penis is so small that when he has an orgasm the sperm are released in a single file line.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. During his stay he was arrested while attempting to have sexual intercourse with an island.

Chuck Norris beats off to "Pretty in Pink" three times a day with a wax figure of Andrew McCarthy lodged in his ass.

Chuck Norris was fired and arrested from his job at a Dallas Texas school after a video showed him smelling the football players’ jock straps. He was taken into custody oddly enough by a real Texas Ranger named Walker

by Alabama Atheist March 8, 2011

chuck wagon

mystery meat/"meat"/meat? typically served at school cafeterias

Student A: What's on that lunch line?
Student B: They trot out the ol' chuck wagon again.
Student A: What's even in that shit?
Student B: I don't even know... but I think I'm going for the salad bar.

by The Resident Pirate January 16, 2008

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles (From [Pushing Daisies])

Chuck is the most awesome character on Pushing Daisies, other than her aunts, Olive Snook, The Pie Maker, and Emerson Cod! They all rule!
Chuck has been brought back to life by Ned, The Pie Maker. She loves him, and he loves her back, but if he touches her, she dies perminately.

I can't believe that Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles (From Pushing Daisies) and Ned acutally kissed, even if it was only in his dream! Of course, she did turn into Olive, but, hey; it was good for Ned while it lasted!

by Larissa Woke Up One Morning January 12, 2009

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Not as much as chuck Norris

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Answer not as much as chuck Norris

by Djs October 25, 2012

chuck norris

The act of when your having sex with your partner and they don't survive the night. Just like all the girls that slept with chuck norris.

Dude, did you know that Shawna died last night? I heard Dave did a chuck norris with her.

by eat my poo plz December 9, 2008

yip chuck

God!
AKA Best hockey player ever!!!
He is on York Simcoe and is amazing.
He will be in the NHL.

Yip Chuck scored 12 goals against the Philly Flyers at the Colisee Pepsi.

by Johnson69 May 3, 2008

chuck muck

When your having sex, its the best bit, you know the bit at the end when you blow your beans, qv, or tip your dirt, qv.
In fact its the whole point of the excercise

I stuck my knob is, wiggled it about a bit, chucked my muck, and then rolled over and went to kip

by Simon C May 26, 2004