The entire series is just Meyer (no - wait, my mistake - Bella) swooning over how lucky she is to have such a great he man (aka strong fag), Edward. Edward is from a clan of pussy vampires who never drink human blood. They also have no other vampiristic qualities, so they might as well be Chupacabras. THEN there's the Blacks, an Indian Tribe (so Meyer's got her mix of negro-allusions and redskins) which prominently features Jacob, a boy who, aside from loving Bella for no good reason, is...um... a vampire/shapeshifter?
So Edward is (aside from incredibly beautiful and gorgeous and oh-so-Adonis) very stony. He's often compared to marble, granite and limestone. Alright, not limestone. That's me.
Bella is your ho-hum average bitch with nothing better to do than fall in front of cars, rapists, other vampires, werewolf/transformers and other unbelievable scenarios. She always has Mr. Sparkles to get her ass outta trouble.
Breaking Dawn was the shit (literally). She fawns over Edward and when they do it, they get it DONE. Edward beats the bloody mess out of her without her noticing because I guess getting fucked by a marble cock is mezmerizing enough to not notice you're being bruised like a beat-down banana. Ed is too afraid to hump her again, but Bella seduces him (???~!!!!) with the sorriest lines and he does her again. This time he can focus his horny powers and busts the headboard open. And, oh yeah, bites pillows. Because to 12-30+ year old women, men who bite pillows are fierce lovemakers. Honestly, I'd be wondering what the fuck his problem was.
I stopped there (I'd been looking for reading-porn, but this was ridiculous) but from what I heard, Bella goes all Alien and has a kid go BLAM from her cooch in a hard placenta. She spits up "fountains" (meyer's own words) of blood. Nice. But the bitch don't die.
In the end a huge, built up battle never happens, Jacob Black is destined to fall in love with their kid (further enforcing Meyer's pedo dreams) and Bella and Edward have buttsex till the nerves in her ass go raw.
Meyer is a vain, self-inserting, mormopedophile. It's a good idea that went wrong after the first sentence. I picked up that book when I heard the concept (BEFORE it got popular) and put it down the same day. Someone had to force me to read the damn thing later. I knew nothing of literature at the time - all I knew was that it sucked heavy ass. When we've got the same people who recommend The Catcher in the Rye or Harry Potter or a Clockwork Orange recommending this bullshit, I seriously fear for our future. And I may sound overdramatic with that, but I'm dead serious. Me and my few not-Twitarded friends fight HARD because that book is seriously embarrassing. I thought Sarah Dessen was bad, but Meyer is fucked in the head.
So Edward is (aside from incredibly beautiful and gorgeous and oh-so-Adonis) very stony. He's often compared to marble, granite and limestone. Alright, not limestone. That's me.
Bella is your ho-hum average bitch with nothing better to do than fall in front of cars, rapists, other vampires, werewolf/transformers and other unbelievable scenarios. She always has Mr. Sparkles to get her ass outta trouble.
Breaking Dawn was the shit (literally). She fawns over Edward and when they do it, they get it DONE. Edward beats the bloody mess out of her without her noticing because I guess getting fucked by a marble cock is mezmerizing enough to not notice you're being bruised like a beat-down banana. Ed is too afraid to hump her again, but Bella seduces him (???~!!!!) with the sorriest lines and he does her again. This time he can focus his horny powers and busts the headboard open. And, oh yeah, bites pillows. Because to 12-30+ year old women, men who bite pillows are fierce lovemakers. Honestly, I'd be wondering what the fuck his problem was.
I stopped there (I'd been looking for reading-porn, but this was ridiculous) but from what I heard, Bella goes all Alien and has a kid go BLAM from her cooch in a hard placenta. She spits up "fountains" (meyer's own words) of blood. Nice. But the bitch don't die.
In the end a huge, built up battle never happens, Jacob Black is destined to fall in love with their kid (further enforcing Meyer's pedo dreams) and Bella and Edward have buttsex till the nerves in her ass go raw.
Meyer is a vain, self-inserting, mormopedophile. It's a good idea that went wrong after the first sentence. I picked up that book when I heard the concept (BEFORE it got popular) and put it down the same day. Someone had to force me to read the damn thing later. I knew nothing of literature at the time - all I knew was that it sucked heavy ass. When we've got the same people who recommend The Catcher in the Rye or Harry Potter or a Clockwork Orange recommending this bullshit, I seriously fear for our future. And I may sound overdramatic with that, but I'm dead serious. Me and my few not-Twitarded friends fight HARD because that book is seriously embarrassing. I thought Sarah Dessen was bad, but Meyer is fucked in the head.
Twilight sucks more ass than a vacuum glued to JLo.
Even Robert Pattinson knows it's stupid, he's said it himself.
Stephenie Meyer is a pedophile and I hope she reads this so she'll know that we know her secret. Making kids fall in love with people that old, WHAT'S HER MOTHERFUCKIN PROBLEM?
Edward loves the whisper song because when he banged Bella, he really beat the pussy up.
Even Robert Pattinson knows it's stupid, he's said it himself.
Stephenie Meyer is a pedophile and I hope she reads this so she'll know that we know her secret. Making kids fall in love with people that old, WHAT'S HER MOTHERFUCKIN PROBLEM?
Edward loves the whisper song because when he banged Bella, he really beat the pussy up.
by talking space monkeys August 13, 2008
Get the Twilightmug. Everyone seems to refer to Twilight (the people who hate it, that is) as a stupid book for teenie-boppers that makes 13 year old girls brainwashed.
And people say 13 year olds have absolutely no idea whats wrong with Twilight and that they're all stupid and don't know good literature and that the "teenie-boppers" are blind to Bella's Mary-Sueness.
Thats partially true.
1) Fuck you. I'm 13.
2) Bella is a nagging, whiny, Mary Sue who says corny things and needs to stfu already about banging Edward. All she wants is to get some. In Breaking Dawn she DID get some, and got knocked up.
Then she gave birth to the mutant, showoffy, "look at me, I'm one month old and I can speak in proper sentences!" Nessie that Jacob unfortunately has to be the soulmate of.
Edward is boring and wears khaki pants and thinks he can get away with it.
It has no morals or actual point.
The AMAZINGG ending of the AMAZING story?:
Bella becomes a vampire soccermom, Edward finally got laid, Rosalie almost killed Bella with a scalpel (too bad she didnt) and there was absolutely NO AWESOME WAR,
Seriously. I wanted a fucking war. I wanted the Volturi's limbs to be flying everywhere as the Cullens get torn apart in a tangle of Werewolves and sparkly people.
But no. Breaking Dawn was wedding, knocked up, Nessie, the end.
Also, Stephenie Meyer spoils Bella with dresses, amazing weddings, fancy food and pretty much give Stephenie Meyer whatever she wants.
LAME.
I'd write more but I need to go.
Dont give me a thumbsdown, you know its true, fangirls.
Alsooo,
STFU about this "13 year old teenie bopper"s hit.
I'm 13 and I'm not a fucking fangirl.
And people say 13 year olds have absolutely no idea whats wrong with Twilight and that they're all stupid and don't know good literature and that the "teenie-boppers" are blind to Bella's Mary-Sueness.
Thats partially true.
1) Fuck you. I'm 13.
2) Bella is a nagging, whiny, Mary Sue who says corny things and needs to stfu already about banging Edward. All she wants is to get some. In Breaking Dawn she DID get some, and got knocked up.
Then she gave birth to the mutant, showoffy, "look at me, I'm one month old and I can speak in proper sentences!" Nessie that Jacob unfortunately has to be the soulmate of.
Edward is boring and wears khaki pants and thinks he can get away with it.
It has no morals or actual point.
The AMAZINGG ending of the AMAZING story?:
Bella becomes a vampire soccermom, Edward finally got laid, Rosalie almost killed Bella with a scalpel (too bad she didnt) and there was absolutely NO AWESOME WAR,
Seriously. I wanted a fucking war. I wanted the Volturi's limbs to be flying everywhere as the Cullens get torn apart in a tangle of Werewolves and sparkly people.
But no. Breaking Dawn was wedding, knocked up, Nessie, the end.
Also, Stephenie Meyer spoils Bella with dresses, amazing weddings, fancy food and pretty much give Stephenie Meyer whatever she wants.
LAME.
I'd write more but I need to go.
Dont give me a thumbsdown, you know its true, fangirls.
Alsooo,
STFU about this "13 year old teenie bopper"s hit.
I'm 13 and I'm not a fucking fangirl.
Twilight is amazing, somehow. I'll never let go of it. Even though I now opened my eyes to its TOTAL SUCKAGE.
Well, with Bella and Edward atleast.
The Volturi are pretty flyyyy.
Well, with Bella and Edward atleast.
The Volturi are pretty flyyyy.
by myspace.com/missmurder046 November 3, 2008
Get the Twilightmug. The fateful episode of the TV show NCIS in which Sasha Alexander's character, Agent Caitlin Todd, loses her life. The last episode of the second season of NCIS which pushed Ari's subplot into high gear for the first two episodes of the third season.
Person A: I'm still in denial about Twilight.
Person B: I don't care, I didn't like Kate.
A: ::slaps B Gibbs-style::
Person B: I don't care, I didn't like Kate.
A: ::slaps B Gibbs-style::
by Laura-san July 24, 2008
Get the Twilightmug. A book that Is given way to much credit. People compare it to books like Harry Potter, and thats not right> Harry Potter is wayyyy better. Twilight sucks... end of story!
by LpaulineW October 15, 2008
Get the Twilightmug. A damn boring book that somehow in many mysterious ways that not even God can explain, managed to capture the hearts of girls all over the world that consider it a good book which is explainable due to the fact that most if not all, didn’t actually put their hands on a decent book with a solid plot and characters with strong personalities.
Since most of teens don’t bother with reading but when they do their homework, newspaper or spend time on the internet they haven’t the slightest idea of the true meaning of a book, literature is a word too complex already and just worship this twilight thing after being brainwashed due to its poor writing and imagination.
Twilight is the wild dream of a 30 something ears old woman that doesn’t seem to happy about her current marriage and decided to act like an everyday teenage girl obsessed with different dude and having strange fantasies with vampire dudes.
The book is just painful to read, the writing and the cliché just makes it impossible to hold it and keep reading it. It’s all cliché, cliché and again cliché which doesn’t stimulate at all you imagination but rather lets you predict the rest of the story because it’s cliché and predictable. The first time I tried to read it I already knew how it would finish and as I was getting to the end in great pain barely being able to endure it…it was just as I’ve foreseen.
Bella as a character is actually the author (if we can call her that), the typical Mary Sue from across the street that everyone loves to hate. She’s there just to be there and as an excuse to write and publish the book. She’s the typical new girl that you just want to stab her gazillions of time at how pathetic, useless and whiny she is. Boys are mysteriously attracted to her just like flies to…but she says no, just like the good virgin girl that she is.
Edward is The Dude, the Gary Stu Dude, the guy the author wanted to marry but ended up with the current man she took as a husband. And Edward as The Dude is the dream guy of every fangirl that’s the same of the geek living in the basement; none of these two ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend. The dude when he sees Bella, no doubt the only virgin in town since he was lusting for her blood, which was pure and not infected like the rest of the dudettes, fall in love, desperately in love…because the author wants so.
In all, it’s a slushy book destined for illiterate persons with a limited ability to be able to think and use imagination. The author no doubt had an account on quizilla and read tones of other poor fictions…that place was her source of inspiration, no doubt of it.
Since most of teens don’t bother with reading but when they do their homework, newspaper or spend time on the internet they haven’t the slightest idea of the true meaning of a book, literature is a word too complex already and just worship this twilight thing after being brainwashed due to its poor writing and imagination.
Twilight is the wild dream of a 30 something ears old woman that doesn’t seem to happy about her current marriage and decided to act like an everyday teenage girl obsessed with different dude and having strange fantasies with vampire dudes.
The book is just painful to read, the writing and the cliché just makes it impossible to hold it and keep reading it. It’s all cliché, cliché and again cliché which doesn’t stimulate at all you imagination but rather lets you predict the rest of the story because it’s cliché and predictable. The first time I tried to read it I already knew how it would finish and as I was getting to the end in great pain barely being able to endure it…it was just as I’ve foreseen.
Bella as a character is actually the author (if we can call her that), the typical Mary Sue from across the street that everyone loves to hate. She’s there just to be there and as an excuse to write and publish the book. She’s the typical new girl that you just want to stab her gazillions of time at how pathetic, useless and whiny she is. Boys are mysteriously attracted to her just like flies to…but she says no, just like the good virgin girl that she is.
Edward is The Dude, the Gary Stu Dude, the guy the author wanted to marry but ended up with the current man she took as a husband. And Edward as The Dude is the dream guy of every fangirl that’s the same of the geek living in the basement; none of these two ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend. The dude when he sees Bella, no doubt the only virgin in town since he was lusting for her blood, which was pure and not infected like the rest of the dudettes, fall in love, desperately in love…because the author wants so.
In all, it’s a slushy book destined for illiterate persons with a limited ability to be able to think and use imagination. The author no doubt had an account on quizilla and read tones of other poor fictions…that place was her source of inspiration, no doubt of it.
Ex 1
Dudette: Did you read Twilight? It’s like OMG, Edward is so cool, it’s the best book in this entire world.
Random guy: Huh?
Dudette: What? You didn’t hear of it? You’re so lame, I wouldn’t want to be you, don’t you read?
Random guy: Huh?
Dudette: Get away from me!
Random guy: Whatever! *continues to read Ender’s game.”
Ex 2
Dudette: Edward is so HAWT followed by this <3333 <333 or this EEEEE or AAAAA then faints.
Another random guy: ???????
Ex 3
Bella: Oh Edward make me a vampire! Why don’t you make me one!? Don’t you love me? If you love me make me a vampire…please I beg of you, waaaaa *crawls at his feet*
Edward: No Bella, I won’t make you one. You’re too pure too innocent to be one. You’re the epitome of perfection in this awfully dull cloudy town. I won’t make you one!
Jacob: I’ll make you a werewolf Bella if you want.
Bella & Edward: You bad dog! *hits him with a rolled newspaper*
Bella: Edward, you masochistic bastard! Do you want to see me age and turn like a prune?
Edward: Yes Bella!
Bella: Edward you monster! I want you to turn me now in a vampire, I want to go out and conquer the world…I want to become immortal and enslave everyone with my mary-sueish beauty and personality…muha ha ha ha
Dudette: Did you read Twilight? It’s like OMG, Edward is so cool, it’s the best book in this entire world.
Random guy: Huh?
Dudette: What? You didn’t hear of it? You’re so lame, I wouldn’t want to be you, don’t you read?
Random guy: Huh?
Dudette: Get away from me!
Random guy: Whatever! *continues to read Ender’s game.”
Ex 2
Dudette: Edward is so HAWT followed by this <3333 <333 or this EEEEE or AAAAA then faints.
Another random guy: ???????
Ex 3
Bella: Oh Edward make me a vampire! Why don’t you make me one!? Don’t you love me? If you love me make me a vampire…please I beg of you, waaaaa *crawls at his feet*
Edward: No Bella, I won’t make you one. You’re too pure too innocent to be one. You’re the epitome of perfection in this awfully dull cloudy town. I won’t make you one!
Jacob: I’ll make you a werewolf Bella if you want.
Bella & Edward: You bad dog! *hits him with a rolled newspaper*
Bella: Edward, you masochistic bastard! Do you want to see me age and turn like a prune?
Edward: Yes Bella!
Bella: Edward you monster! I want you to turn me now in a vampire, I want to go out and conquer the world…I want to become immortal and enslave everyone with my mary-sueish beauty and personality…muha ha ha ha
by Pomponette October 18, 2008
Get the Twilightmug. Formally known as the division between day and night when it is not-quite-day but not-quite-dark outside. Was once used metaphorically instilling a sense of foreboding, change, or ambiguity. However all those past senses have become quite archaic and have been replaced with a collection of delusion,s tween concepts of love and glitter... lots of glitter.
Person one: "It's almost twilight by now"
Person two: "I like Twilight too, but its not like I have to set apart time to ritually watch it"
Person one: "No, I meant its dusk"
Person two: "I also like books about bats, but its not like I have to set apart time to ritually read it alongside posters of Edward Cullen"
Person one: "No, like the time, you know, after day-time, but before night-time"
Person two: "Why the hell are we talking about bats and Twilight for then?"
Person two: "I like Twilight too, but its not like I have to set apart time to ritually watch it"
Person one: "No, I meant its dusk"
Person two: "I also like books about bats, but its not like I have to set apart time to ritually read it alongside posters of Edward Cullen"
Person one: "No, like the time, you know, after day-time, but before night-time"
Person two: "Why the hell are we talking about bats and Twilight for then?"
by Jon Wonk April 8, 2010
Get the Twilightmug. For example...
Girl 1: Hey what are you reading?
Girl 2: Twilight.
Girl1: What's it about?
Girl 2: It's about a vampire boy who falls in love with a human girl. It's soooooooooooooooo romantic.
Girl 1: Stupid betch it's not even original. I hate you! I'm going to go read Dracula and Let the Right One In.
Girl 1: Hey what are you reading?
Girl 2: Twilight.
Girl1: What's it about?
Girl 2: It's about a vampire boy who falls in love with a human girl. It's soooooooooooooooo romantic.
Girl 1: Stupid betch it's not even original. I hate you! I'm going to go read Dracula and Let the Right One In.
by iprefertoremainanonymous July 12, 2009
Get the Twilightmug.