schadenfreude

German for "happiness at the misfortune of others"

Clapping when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses

Watching figure skaters falling on their asses

Watching people out in the rain

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

Watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in

Being on an elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

Straight A students getting Bs

Exes getting STDs

Waking doormen from their naps

Watching tourists reading maps

Football players getting tackled

CEOs getting shackled

Watching actors never reach the ending of their Oscar speech

Schadenfreude: Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

by Janet Weiss August 26, 2005

pee schedule

A Pee schedule is when you go to the bathroom and a co-worker/family member has to go as well. It can sometimes get annoying when you always see that same person when you go to drain the lizard.

Explanation: This factor is likely due to the other person drinking around the same time you last did, which causes both of your bladders to activate around the same time.

Bob thinks: I really gotta pee.
Joe thinks: I have to pee really bad.
- Bathroom -
Bob: What are you doing here, Joe?
Joe: I have to pee too.
Bob: But you always have to pee when I have to!
Joe: We're probably on the same pee schedule!
Bob: Damn it!

by Lionhearte May 24, 2008

schadenfreude

The feeling of pleasure gathered from watching the suffering of another human being.

Remember the enormous pleasure you got watching dad get kicked in the nuts on AFHV in the 80s, or ogling any fat asshole in the world dancing in bikini briefs or redneck on a crotch rocket who smashes his face in on the old log next to the "swimmin' hole" near his dilapidated shack on YouTube? That's schadenfreude... It's what makes you human... Or a very bad person.

by Vice Morris July 29, 2009

scheduled procrastination

The act of scheduling tasks to be done at the last possible moment, thus allowing for a reasonable explanation as to why the person procrastinated in the first place.

Jeremy's scheduled procrastination allowd him to graduate from the University of Kentucky in seven years, instead of the standard four.

by BCEagle September 18, 2003

scheduling fatigue

when you and a person are trying to get together but your schedules keep coming up with more and more conflict and you're like 'ah jeez i dont actually care about this person this much. fuck it'

i was trying to get a second date with this girl, but as we texted back and forth about trying to find a good time and repeatedly failing, we got scheduling fatigue and i never saw her again. :(

by cfboyd May 22, 2016

abc schedule

When your partner only lets you shag on special occasions like Anniversaries, Birthdays, and Christmas. Therefore making it the ABC schedule.

Yeah man, Cristin has Michael on that ABC Schedule.

by Jebbbbbby February 15, 2017

Schadenpride

Deriving personal satisfaction from behavior or actions generally regarded as weird, abnormal, or offensive.

Gary took great schadenpride in his gag-inducing elevator fart.

by Bald Evil August 22, 2010