Gooseberry

Every available hot girl is guarded by an overweight, unattractive female friend who controls access. Direct a question to one, expect it to be answered by both. Invite her to a meal, book a table for three. It's a package deal - for now - just figure how to get this friend away, even for a little time, and the prize is yours...it seems. She seems sweet, romantic and ready, but her friend dampens any occasion to an ordinary, social, non-romantic outing for three.
Her friend is a bland, bloated "hanger on" fruit who feigns sweetness, but is tartly near toxic to your potential relationship. Allegorically similar to the botanical, yucky, sticky, fat fruit "gooseberry" that spoils a tasty harvest.
Best advice - plan a blind date, but bring your challenged, overweight, horny, Neanderthal cousin to "sort out" her "gooseberry" mate for a few minutes alone.

Hot Girl: "I've been invited on a date but don't want to go alone in case I get turned on and have sex with him"
Obese, Unattractive Friend: "I'll come too. That way he'll have to feed and entertain both of us, but never get you alone to molest. Makes me a GOOSEBERRY spoiling his intentions, pirating your intimacy, but you're just leading him on, suckering up his resources anyway."
Hot Girl: "Yes, this is correct. Rather than tell him outright there is no sexual advantage to his gifts, he will realise my tag along GOOSEBERRY friend, who he has substantially dined, has reduced his amour anyway and confronted the relationship. Thank you, my ugly, gluttonous, protective companion always ready to spoil a young man's advance on me."
Obese, Unattractive Friend: "Always of service, my Sister, to frustrate male desire and your social advancement in such"

by Gabbro December 20, 2018

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Goose

Noun: A female with many unintroduced hot/fun/attractive friends.

Longer Definiton: A female who has recently been introduced to one or more in your circle of guy friends. This female either has many hot friends in her circle or has the potential of having hot friends. Unfortunately, this female has not yet introduced her friends to your group. Her friends are therefore considered eggs that the goose can lay, if and only if the goose is treated properly in the intial stages of group introduction. If someone angers, f**ks, etc the goose too soon, she may not lay eggs and therefore becomes dead to your group. In essence, the goose has been killed and can not lay eggs, ie. this girl will remove herself and her friends from you.

Tread Wisely: You always have to take care of the goose, they never run out of eggs and are pretty easy to please as long as you don't f**k them. Eggs are easliy broken and pretty easily replace, so there is no real need to be careful. Bottom line: Don't be a goose killer.

Mike: Hey guys - check out that chick. Probably a total goose.
Paul: Yeah - look at her friends, we have to meet her.
Jared: Paul, just don't kill the goose till she's laid some eggs for the rest of us.

Grant (to Rick): Ben, did you nail that chick at the bar last night?
Mark (to Rick): Yeah man - how'd that go?
Rick (to group): She's a goose guys. I fed her some grain so soon she'll lay some eggs for us. Her and her friends want to hang out with all of us next weekend.

by Sick Richard July 16, 2007

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