Self-Blumpkin Technique

The self-bumpkin technique is performed by first waiting 7-10 days without taking a shit, and then when finally shitting, curving the large feces toward you, under your balls, up from between your legs, and into your dick. You then suck the shit back in and out of your ass, repeating this movement until ejaculation. This technique results in euphoria, as well as chlamydia, herpes, HPV, gonorrhea, and syphilis. Also you may notice black discharge from the urethra 2-12 hours after performing this technique.

It is told that performing this technique 7 times can result in ascension to a higher plane of spiritual existence, however no one has survived the process more than 3 times.

“Dude, I’m about to try the self-blumpkin technique! I’m 6 days in without shitting!”

“Bro I wouldn’t do that. I tried it 4 years ago and there’s still black shit in my dick.”

by Rusted Sounding Rod April 29, 2025

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Taiwanese Handjob Technique

A sexual technique including a reverse grip on the penis and a little bit of feet. The feet are used for ballsack stabilization. A chopstick can be used to sound the urethra if desired.

That Asian chick used the Taiwanese Handjob Technique behind the fish market yesterday and I blew a hot load all over her hand.

by Hshsjshshsj May 15, 2025

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japanese bed self-pleasure technique

a method of masturbation in males wherein the males make their dick erect and then lie down on bed and rub their dick against the bedsheets and bed to gain sexual stimulation, mimicking actual missionary pose but with the bed.

A: bro i wanna feel real sex
B: go the bed and use the japanese bed self-pleasure technique bro!

by holysanta July 17, 2025

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Enhanced Billy Goat Techniques

The act of tying someone up, with a billy goat suspended on a platform with grate openings, to either be milked of its semen or fed to shit on the person tied down.

An operator called goatman uses enhanced billy goat techniques to get information out of his neighbor.

by TheDankWolf1995 September 16, 2025

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East Oakland Vera Anus Ripper Technique

The act of tearing up a persons anus by inserting 2 pounds of pure raw meat up/down their anus, then is continued with a barrage of slaps. This in turn cooks in the meat in the persons anus, how ever this takes time so usually the person slapping uses the final step in the infamous "The Wisconsin Dirty Cheesecurd". This Technique was primarily used by the East Oakland Grim Reaper, who is now incarnated in the local sheriff county jail. This technique is now outlawed and carries a 25 year prison sentence, unless you are in the following countries: Mexico, Japan, Wisconsin, Thailand and Uganda.

The East Oakland Vera Anus Ripper Technique is a dangerous technique and must be done with the proper precautions.

by EastOaklandGrimReaper July 7, 2025

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Tunisian Knit & Kindle "Ring of Fire" Flicker Goon Technique

The act of an ancient technique used by Tunisian Monks in the early days of the Phoenician wars. They would use a sewing needle and kindle, as well as a flammable substance to create a "ring of fire", strengthening battle spirits before going to war. It involves the sewing of of the tip to the scrotum, then entrancing it with a great flame, one said to never go out. Often paired with great drumrolls in a ancient sanctuary of many other goon techniques, such as French Flicker Gooning and Master Hendrick "Goonmeister" Abel V's signature technique, the founder of the first Flicker Goon Technique.

"I'm entering this years Goon Games with the Tunisian Knit & Kindle "Ring of Fire" Flicker Goon Technique! Wish me luck!"

"Good luck man, I'm sure you'll win this one!"

by nblitzed December 21, 2025

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